2014 Xma$ Gift Wi$h Li$t: Celebrate “the birth of that Jewish hippie kid”

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst: 2014 XMA$ GIFT WI$H LI$T Hey guys. Did this whole crazy holy daze madcap bedlam thing sneak up on you this year, making the world speed up like a maglev Bullet Train going downhill lit by a strobe, like it did us? There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation. In 2014, Thanksgiving fell on November 27th: making it a mere 28 days between the Turkey and the Tree. Next year the gap grows by a day; then two days for leap year, until way way in the future, Year of Our Lord [...]

By |December 29th, 2014|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on 2014 Xma$ Gift Wi$h Li$t: Celebrate “the birth of that Jewish hippie kid”
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“Read my lips, no new Bushes. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Did I mention ever?”

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst: BUSHES 3. US 0. Still recovering from the sonic bombshell dropped by Jeb Bush announcing he was officially upgrading his prospective candidate status from… considering the formation of an exploratory committee to investigate the feasibility of a possible run for the presidency to… actually authorizing the formation of an exploratory committee that will investigate the feasibility of a possible run for the presidency. Our little caterpillar is now one step closer to being a big bad beautiful butterfly. No one will admit the obvious: that the efforts of this exploratory [...]

By |December 22nd, 2014|Tags: , , |1 Comment
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“CIA lied. What’s the next big revelation: Scorpions make lousy pre-school pets?” #TortureReport

Image via ACLU.org Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst: SQUATTING ON THE FLAG If you believe the recently released Senate Intelligence Committee torture report, you might be tempted to conclude that the CIA lied to the press and the public and to Congress about the extent and effectiveness of its torture campaign. And that conclusion would be correct, sir. And the amazing thing is people are amazed. Yes. Of course the CIA lies. That’s what they do. Lying and cheating and stealing are its total and complete job description. Glance at their listing on the civil [...]

By |December 15th, 2014|Tags: |Comments Off on “CIA lied. What’s the next big revelation: Scorpions make lousy pre-school pets?” #TortureReport
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Read ’em and weep: Top Ten Comedic News Stories of 2014

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst: TOP TEN COMEDIC NEWS STORIES OF 2014 Hey guys, Will Durst here with your eagerly awaited Top Ten Comedic News Stories of 2014. Now, here’s the deal: please do not confuse these amusing accounts with the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of 2014. No. No. No. They are as different as silky and spiky. Banjos and bullfrogs. Strawberry daiquiris and Chinese made assault rifles. Earrings and peas. Oh sure, we saw plenty examples of super serious humor- resistant stuff that went down over the previous twelve months, including but not [...]

By |December 8th, 2014|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on Read ’em and weep: Top Ten Comedic News Stories of 2014
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Ted Cruz: “Crazier than Norman Bates after a dip in a psilocybin bath riddled with corn fungus”

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst: THANKSGIVING 2014 You got to love Thanksgiving. You do. It’s the law. And be honest; doesn’t a little tryptophan poisoning amongst family and friends sound pretty comforting right about now? What with Ebola infested ISIS members slithering across the border carrying photos of Bill Cosby ogling Kim Kardashian’s butt? Besides, this holiday isn’t about greasing the wheels of capitalism with the fire hose of consumer debt like that other one just down the road. This one is about gluttony. Pure and simple. And the only attendant religiosity is praying the [...]

By |November 26th, 2014|Tags: , , |Comments Off on Ted Cruz: “Crazier than Norman Bates after a dip in a psilocybin bath riddled with corn fungus”
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“The favorite holiday of liberals all over California”

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst: HOLIDAY OF GUILT The autumn dark is lengthening, which harkens the English- speaking, Judeo- Christian Holiday Season is about to split open wider than a crocodile mouth at the bottom of a baby duckling water slide. It begins with Columbus Day. No mail and the banks are closed. Much is to be said for starting slow. Then the downward hurtle is set off by Halloween, when people toss about candy, free, incognito. Fast forward to the favorite holiday of liberals all over California. The eagerly awaited, down- home, secular celebration, [...]

By |November 17th, 2014|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on “The favorite holiday of liberals all over California”
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McConnell failed “to turn off the chainsaw behind his back during the press conference.”

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst: OBAMA AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY To call the grotesque drubbing suffered by the Democratic Party in the midterms- monumental, is like referring to the surface of the sun as warm. The scene was so grisly, acutely sensitive Democrats (most of them) were forced to avert their eyes or risk anaphylactic shock. If you ever wanted to see numbers bleed, this was your night. Surprised no referee jumped onto the CNN set, rang a bell, and raised the Koch Brothers’ hands triumphantly in the air. The [...]

By |November 10th, 2014|Tags: , , , , |3 Comments
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“Quarantine grandstanding science-adverse politicians calling for a quarantine” #Ebola

  Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst: WE BURN WITCHES, DON’T WE? Gather round kiddies, because it’s time for Uncle Will to regale you with the funny side of Ebola. Oh, yeah, there is one. Just need a trained professional to find it. Take the widespread fear and paranoia making people crazier than the trajectory of an arrow with a gelatin shaft. Okay. Not entirely side splitting. Well, how about the prospect of a global epidemic on the scale of 2 zombie apocalypses? No, you’re right. Still less humorous than polio. Which never was a laugh [...]

By |November 3rd, 2014|Tags: , , |Comments Off on “Quarantine grandstanding science-adverse politicians calling for a quarantine” #Ebola
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“Behavior leaked from Halloween’s holiday neighbor: Election Day.”

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst: THE ORANGE AND BLACK Here it comes. Creeping down dark alleys. Overturning garbage cans and spooking black cats. The scariest day of the year. With the exception of your next birthday, that is. Halloween. All Hallow’s Eve. The night preceding All Saint’s Day. Time to carve a gourd. Besides being an excellent excuse to gorge on candy corn and toffee apples it is also an occasion used by many religions to honor deceased relatives by placing lighted candles on the graves of the dead. Probably where that whole ghosts and [...]

By |October 27th, 2014|Tags: , , |Comments Off on “Behavior leaked from Halloween’s holiday neighbor: Election Day.”
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Voter ID, Schmoter ID: “You’d think GOP was organizing competitive kitten clubbings. Again.”

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst: ONE MAN. ONE VOTE. Whiners. Bounders. Ingrates. Talking about the incessant griping and sniping currently buzzing over long overdue Republican reforms requiring citizens to produce a government issued ID before casting a vote. From the outcry you’d think the GOP was organizing competitive kitten clubbings. Again. Oh for crum’s sakes, settle down people. It’s just an ID. You need one to fly or buy or ply or even take out a library book. What is wrong with insuring the integrity of the electoral process? This isn’t voter suppression, it’s voter [...]

By |October 20th, 2014|Tags: , , , , , , |Comments Off on Voter ID, Schmoter ID: “You’d think GOP was organizing competitive kitten clubbings. Again.”
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