“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
PRINCE WILLIAM and KATE MIDDLETON were in New York City last week. We’ve got to do something about immigration. OBAMA’S “Bill” is just NOT working.
PRESIDENT OBAMA went to the hospital with what was diagnosed as acid reflux. So now, JOE BIDEN is just a heartBURN away from the Oval Office.
Did you read the new CIA torture report? It is six thousand pages long. Now that’s what I call real torture. It’s almost as long as the GEORGE CLOONEY pre-nup.
Time magazine has named “Ebola Fighters” their 2014 Person Of The Year. These are people who were on the front lines, working to keep Ebola contained. Time magazine said, “No need to pick up your award. We’ll mail it to you.
A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby complained, “I had more leg room in the womb.”
We’re happy to report that the mother and child were doing fine, while the guy sitting in the next seat was not.
According to a survey, the most popular Christmas song of all time is “Silent Night.” The least popular? “I Saw Mommy Kissing BILL COSBY.”
From that same survey we also learn, reindeer populations are falling fast. We are just three years away from Santa using “Uber.”
Former crime boss WHITEY BULGER will be in this year’s Nativity Scene in his prison. WHITEY will appear as one of the “Three Wise Guys.”
A silver plate crafted by PABLO PICASSO was stolen from a Miami art fair. Police are looking for a man with one big eye, one tiny eye, a giant sideways mouth, and two noses.
The Justice Department ruled that Native American tribes are allowed to grow and sell marijuana on reservations. So now the Peace Pipe will be a lot more peaceful and the Mohawks will have the “munchies”
CHRISTMAS WARNING: The “Just Like Dolly Inflatable Training Bra” has been taken off the market. One of them exploded and broke a young boy’s hand.
Also be on the lookout for the “DON RICKLES TALKING DOLL” You wind it up and it puts you down.
As they do each year, “Shoppers Anonymous” offers help to the Christmas compulsive spender with this prayer:
“The LORD is my TAYLOR I shall not charge. He leadeth me from the land of ABRAHAM & STRAUSS – Maketh me to lie down in MARSHALL FIELDS – Anointeth my brow with GOLDWATERS – and delivereth me by UNITED PARCEL – Yea, though I walk through the GAP in the valley of WALMART, I MAGNIN will fear no markdowns – For thine is the CARSON and the PIRIE and the SCOTT – FOREVER 21 more — A-MEN’S wear.”
You know, if all else fails, the “Just Like Dolly Inflatable Training Bra” would come in real handy if you ever go down at sea ;>