comedy zone twilight zone laugh jokes

“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!

Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.

For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

It’s December, time to celebrate the Yuletide season. And the Christmas spirit is already in the air. A woman shopping in Neiman Marcus fell and broke her leg and instead of a cast they had it gift wrapped.

Now that the “Black Friday” shopping spree is over everyone is out buying their Yule tree, which is from Canada, ornaments from Taiwan, lights from Malaysia and toys from China. Ah yes, it looks like it’s going to be a good old fashioned American Christmas.

It’s Christmas in Beverly Hills. “On Dancer, On Prancer, On Visa, On Mastercard.”

You know it’s Christmas in Beverly Hills when Saks Fifth Avenue’s Handicapped Parking is for people earning under two-hundred thousand a year.

BARNEY’S is so classy, they wouldn’t let Santa Claus in the store unless he shaved.

Santa loves Beverly Hills this time of the year. It’s the only town in the world where he can get “Valet Parking” for his sleigh.

A toy company is recalling 600,000 RACHAEL RAY dolls. The mouth won’t close.

According to a recent survey, 68 percent of all working adults will be giving something to a co-worker at this year’s Christmas parties. The good news is, with a little penicillin it’s probably treatable.

The woman who said comedian BILL COSBY sexually assaulted her also testified against sportscaster MARV ALBERT. She went from MARV ALBERT to FAT ALBERT. Who’s next. Getting PRINCE ALBERT in the can.

For the first time, a major league baseball umpire has announced he’s gay. The umpire did this by pointing at himself and yelling, “I’M OUT!”

Los Angeles was awash in one of the biggest rainstorms in years. It rained so hard in Beverly Hills, over a hundred Mercedes got the Benz.

There’s a lot more rain still expected. As we speak, ABC is piling sandbags around SOFIA VERGARA’S cleavage.

All this rain can cause terrible mudslides. If you own a house in the Hollywood Hills, congratulations. It is now beach front property.

Researchers confirmed that the DNA of the bones of KING RICHARD III unearthed in 2013 raises questions of royal infidelity. KING RICHARD was killed in England in 1485. His bones were found under a parking lot — fighting over a parking space no doubt.

Even before DNA testing they knew it was the humpback King because they also found a note to his tailor that said, “Forget about the pants, it’s the jacket that needs fixing.”

According to a new report, parents are naming their babies after characters from their favorite television shows. If this had happened when my son’s twin boys were born, today I would be the proud grandfather of grandsons named “Naked” and “Afraid.”