Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Indiana GOV. MIKE PENCE is DONALD TRUMP’S pick for Vice President. I remember when his list of running mates was down to just two people. And they were CHRIS CHRISTIE.
I’m not saying CHRIS CHRISTIE’S upset, but he was last seen at the top of the Empire State Building swatting at planes.
For his running mate, TRUMP said he was looking for someone with experience in areas he doesn’t have, like someone who can run a profitable casino. — Sort of, go by the book and not end at Chapter 11.
TRUMP has begun referring to himself as the “law and order” candidate, while his sons who surround him at every speech look more like “Law & Order” suspects.
A new survey shows that DONALD TRUMP is polling at zero percent among black voters in Ohio and Pennsylvania, but he’s doing well with white voters in West Virginia. They look at his hair and feel right at home. They think he’s offering them “Roadkill.”
Tuesday morning, BERNIE SANDERS finally endorsed HILLARY CLINTON. So, as promised, Tuesday afternoon, the CLINTON campaign released BERNIE’S wife.
ELIZABETH WARREN has been invited to give an address on the first night of the Democratic Convention. HILLARY will give the address on the final night and BERNIE SANDERS will be given the WRONG address so he’ll miss the convention altogether.
Actually, to prove there were no hard feelings, HILLARY made sure that BERNIE was invited to the Democratic Convention, and even had them assign him a seat where he will be able to hear all the speeches. That is, if they don’t flush too loud.
The latest polls show that HILLARY CLINTON and DONALD TRUMP are in a “dead heat.” After the E-mail debacle, Republicans say HILLARY is dead and DONALD is “in heat.”
The G.O.P. Convention begins Monday. Delegates from all over our great nation will be putting on funny hats, marching around in silly costumes and making fools of themselves for 4 days. Then they will nominate DONALD TRUMP as their candidate so he can make a fool of himself for 4 years.
The Convention will be televised nightly. As a TV program reminder; the network late night shows will be live every single night. So tune in for a mockery of our political system, and then watch the “late shows!”
HISTORICAL NOTE: In July of 1854 a convention was held at which time the Republican Party was formed. This monstrous gathering was held in Ripon, Wisconsin. This year in honor of DONALD TRUMP they’re changing the town’s name from Ripon to Rip-Off.
BILL COSBY has hired a woman to be his lead attorney. She says she doesn’t know how she got the job. “I just had a drink with BILL, woke up and there it was.”
Once again the yearly “Running of the Bulls” in Pamplona, Spain will take place. Every year it’s the same scene. Poor, dumb, stupid creatures running wildly through the streets — being chased by bulls.