“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
JEB BUSH is taking his Presidential campaign on a tour of Europe. He’s telling Europeans, “I like you guys because you’re comfortable having the same family in charge for centuries.”
There is a push for Triple Crown winner, AMERICAN PHAROAH, to be named Sports Illustrated’s “Sportsman of the Year.” There’s also a much smaller push for AMERICAN PHAROAH to be on the cover of the next swimsuit issue.
The WOMEN’S WORLD CUP is under way again. Soccer, of course, is the sport in which you’re only allowed to use your hands if you’re the GOALIE — or taking a bribe.
Republicans want to conduct Former GOP House Speaker, DENNIS HASTERT’S, sexual abuse hearing behind closed doors. They don’t want a Republican’s name dragged through the mud. They’ll need every bit of that mud for the 2016 Presidential election.
HASTERT was brought down by an Oxymoron — The “Senate Ethics” Committee.
This sexual abuse all happened when HASTERT was a wrestling coach. They should have suspected something when he got a student in a headlock and began singing in his ear, “Who Can I Turn To…”
I don’t know how happy our troops were when PRESIDENT OBAMA announced he is sending 450 more military advisers back to Iraq, but last week an entire platoon at Camp Pendleton saluted him — with one finger.
In California, a 99-year-old grandmother has fulfilled her dream of graduating college. Her major was Bingo. The tough part now is that she has to go to job interviews where they ask her, “Where do you see yourself in five years”?
BRAD PITT, ANGELINA JOLIE and their family were recently photographed sitting in coach on a flight from Paris. BRAD and ANGELINA didn’t mind flying coach, but they did get annoyed when they were asked to check some of their carry-on children.
The restaurant chain, CHIPOTLE, has announced plans to provide paid vacation, tuition reimbursement and sick days for hourly workers. But now if you order a side of guacamole it’s $400.
DOMINIQUE STRAUSS-KAHN, the former head of the International Monetary Fund, has been cleared by a French court of “aggravated pimping.” It all started when STRAUSS-KAHN was arrested in New York back in 2011 for sexually assaulting a hotel maid. Leave it to the French to bring new meaning to the words, “room service.”
Just when STRAUSS-KAHN’S popularity at the IMF hit an all-time high, the public found out his zipper hit an all-time low.
Before the alleged rape, STRAUSS-KAHN was convinced he would become the next Socialist President of France and his wife would be the “First Lady.” She has since divorced him when she realized she wouldn’t be the “Last Lady.”
After STRAUSS-KAHN was acquitted, they took a poll of 1000 women in France and asked if they would have sex with him and 84 percent said, “Never again.”