“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
DONALD TRUMP and BERNIE SANDERS won their respective party’s New Hampshire primary. It was a great night for loud men with funny hair.
According to the exit polls, TRUMP and SANDERS were the number one choice among white voters and since that’s the only kind of voter they have in New Hampshire, it worked out well.
CHRIS CHRISTIE continued to criticize MARCO RUBIO for his performance in last week’s Republican debate and said RUBIO is scripted and not spontaneous. To which MARCO replied, “That’s not true, comma. I speak from the heart, exclamation point.”
Although many consider BERNIE SANDERS at 74 too old to run for President, he’s still confident he’ll be nominated and elected. How confident is he? He just introduced a bill to add wheelchair ramps to the White House.
President ROOSEVELT’s term of office was known as the “New Deal.” LYNDON JOHNSON’s was the “Great Society.” If BERNIE gets in it will be designated as, “The Enlarged Prostate Administration.”
CARLY FIORINA also pulled out of the race. Although she is no longer a candidate she’ll still be in the public eye. She opens next month in the national company as “Cassie” in “A Chorus Line.”
It looks like HILLARY and BERNIE will NOT be able to keep up their oh so civil, polite and lovey-dovey ways that they showed in previous meetings. I don’t know if BERNIE was getting beat up at Thursday’s Democratic debate, but for the next one his campaign manager applied to the Boxing Commission for a license to act as BERNIE’S cut man.
Last week the Vatican held a screening of the movie “Spotlight,” the movie that details child abuse in the Catholic Church. Long story short, the POPE is now a Mormon.
A new report suggests that soon gasoline will be cheaper than water. And in Flint, Michigan a lot healthier and better tasting to drink.
VALENTINE’S DAY (February 14th) is an occasion for lovers to exchange affectionate gifts. For you guys who want to win the heart of your lover try attaching one of these fetching verses to her gift.
TO A SENIOR CITIZEN
“Roses you pick,
A chicken’s a plucker,
I’d ask for a kiss,
But I’m too pooped to pucker.”
FOR THAT DON JUAN ON YOUR LIST
“You’re more than a man,
you’re a love appliance.
So we think you should leave,
Your libido to science.”
TO A SCHIZO LOVED ONE
“It’s Valentine’s Day,
And I swear on a star.
I love you both,
Whoever you are.”