“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
The OSCARS are tonight, which marks the official end of “Black History Month.”
DONALD TRUMP was heavily favored to win in Nevada and that’s what he did. He won, but it was inevitable. DONALD appeals to the key demographic in Nevada. People who have declared bankruptcy.
TRUMP was also the big winner in the South Carolina primary. TRUMP is unstoppable. He’s like GODZILLA with less foreign policy experience.
A TRUMP Presidency is getting so real, Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty good idea.
We just found out DONALD TRUMP is such a good businessman, he taught his dog to roll over — a 401K.
JEB BUSH dropped out of the Presidential race and brother GEORGE W. was a little confused. Why would JEB quit because he was losing? The way George W. remembers it, you can still become President even when you don’t get the most votes.
Did you see the Republican debate last week? The Presidential campaign is getting so dirty they’re thinking of putting sanitary strips over the voting booth.
This week we will have the multi-state primary known as “Super Tuesday.” Which will be immediately followed by, “Now we’re really STUCK with DONALD TRUMP,” Wednesday.
Southern states, Alabama, Arkansas and Georgia, are part of “Super Tuesday, so TRUMP keeps saying he loves grits. When questioned, “Hominy?” He answers, “How do I know ‘how-many’? There must be thousands of those little things in there.”
Billionaire TRUMP is also trying very hard to take Ohio by presenting himself as the blue-collar candidate. It doesn’t really help, DONALD, when your opening line is, “Hello, fellow peasants.”
TRUMP’S wife, MELANIA, says she speaks English, Italian, French, and German. Which is good ’cause if she ever becomes First Lady she’ll need to apologize for her husband in at least those four languages.
UMA THURMAN said she likes to eat in the nude because seeing herself naked while she eats helps her eat less. I tired it last night and it works. I DID eat less. After only two bites of my dinner they threw me out of the “Sizzler.”
Police in Cincinnati are looking for a bald man who has been stealing “Rogaine” and “Viagra” from drug stores. The suspect is being described as “Armed and suddenly dating again.”
A man ordered a television set from Amazon and was shocked when instead they sent him a rifle. Now, somewhere in the country, a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it watch “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.”