Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc. A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
TRUMP is angry at NFL players for their silent protests during the national anthem. TRUMP said, “Silent protests have no place anywhere outside of my marriage.”
TRUMP then tweeted his support for NASCAR saying, “I’m really into racing, I guess you could say I’m quite a racist.”
By the way, there’s only one African-American driver in all of NASCAR. I rest my case.
TRUMP wants NFL owners to respond to players by firing them. He wants owners to say, “Get that son of a bitch off the field right now, he’s fired.” And we can only hope and pray that’s what the American people are also going to say in the next presidential election.
TRUMP also withdrew his invitation to the Golden State Warriors, when STEPHEN CURRY said he was not attending. Making this the first time in history DONALD TRUMP has ever shown a dislike for anything golden.
For the third straight time, Senate Republicans failed to repeal Obamacare, because they didn’t have the votes. TRUMP was outraged. “Well neither did I, and I still won!”
MELANIA TRUMP took her first solo trip abroad as First Lady, and everything was going great until the Secret Service found her and brought her back.
PRESIDENT TRUMP unveiled his new tax code saying it will be “simpler to understand.” In fact it will be so simple, even TRUMP will be able to understand it.
PAUL RYAN said that the tax plan will let people file their taxes on a postcard. If there’s one group we can count on to fix the IRS, it’s the Post Office.
A candidate TRUMP worked very hard to endorse in Alabama lost his election. White House aides say the President is “pissed and embarrassed.” Incidentally, “pissed and embarrassed” is also the the name of his Russian scandal investigation law firm, “Pissed & Embarrassed.”
Saudi Arabia just announced they will let women drive. Women say they’re excited, “You don’t know how hard it is to take your kid to Little League on a camel.”
KHLOE KARDASHIAN is reportedly pregnant. KHLOE said she doesn’t care if it’s a boy or a girl just as long as it has over one million Instagram followers.
Twitter started testing a brand new feature to let some users post tweets with 280 character limits, which is twice the amount that is currently allowed. Two hundred and eighty characters. Can you imagine, 280 characters or, as impressionist RICH LITTLE says, “Hey, they’re doing my act.”