The mystery surrounding Michelle Shocked’s shocking comments from the concert stage at Yoshi’s in San Francisco Sunday night continues as conflicting accounts of what actually happened surfaced, but no clear statement from the singer-songwriter herself. Those comments will come tomorrow morning here, live on my show.
Music journalist Chris Willman at Yahoo music followed up on his original story with one that includes an alternate take on what happened. The follow-up, “Michelle Shocked: ‘Hatemonger’ or Misunderstood Provocateur” sounds more like what my personal knowledge of Shocked (through her music and my interviews with her over the years) leads me to believe.
In the piece, Willman quotes Colin Epstein, a fan who had volunteered via Twitter in advance of her show to accompany her on harmonica for the song “Graffiti Limbo”.
@mshocked Need a harp player for Graffiti Limbo at Yoshi’s?I’m no Rod Piazza, but I’m game.
— MrBungo (@MrBungo) March 15, 2013
As is her tendency, she took him up on it!
@mshockedHoly beans!You’re on.I’ll be there with the right diatonic, and pretend I’m not terrified.
— MrBungo (@MrBungo) March 15, 2013
As Willman related in that Yahoo article:
Here is Epstein’s take, excerpted: “It’s hard to describe what went down at Yoshi’s because it was so odd and disjointed. I think some of the statements in
[Yahoo’s previous] story about Ms. Shocked having emotional issues last night may not be far off.” At the beginning of the night, “Shocked’s fear, whether bad stage fright or something else, seemed quite genuine. The initial attempt to kickstart the show via Twitter didn’t come off, and the choice we were offered, ‘truth or reality,’ was extremely puzzling. I was definitely worried about how the evening was going to go.” But once the music began in earnest, he, like everyone else queried, thought her first set turned out to be terrific.It’s when things began to go horribly right after intermission that he saw something different than much of the rest of the crowd did. Shocked’s faith is “something that clearly means a lot to her, and she was trying to introduce her Christianity into the show. I’ve seen her do this before with no problem. But… she seemed disjointed, and unsure of where things were going. One thing I haven’t seen reported is when Shocked said that she was tired of ‘Christians that hide their hypocrisy behind a cross.’ It was that statement that led me to believe the some of her others were ironic. But while I’ve read plenty today on her attitude towards gays, this criticism of certain Christians seems to have slipped by. She said some things that didn’t seem connected, and even didn’t make sense, including something like ‘when Prop 8. passes and priests are forced at gunpoint to marry gays.’ Since Prop. 8 bans gay marriage, that thought hardly holds together.” But, Epstein says, “I took this statement as ironically mocking the extremist stances some liberals expect from Christians. Obviously, though, that went over like a sack of bricks, and the tone got ugly.” Before long, “she said something about ‘now y’all can tweet that Michelle Shocked said God hates f–s,’ but I heard that as resignation to how things were being misread, as opposed to an actual boast or opinion, as it’s been reported elsewhere. At some point Shocked broke into a long speech in Spanish, which I don’t speak. So for all I know, that could have been full of vitriol worthy of the Westboro Baptist nutcases.
“By now, in Epstein’s view, reconciliation between audience and performer was impossible. “As she tried to move past this hole she’d dug for herself and start into a song, certain members of the crowd wouldn’t let her. They were obnoxiously heckling her, and shouting out all sorts of stuff about homophobia and what a terrible person she was. I thought their mood and tone was far uglier and more judgmental than anything I’d heard from the stage.” His companion and he “were both looking around, watching people leave in a huff while flipping Shocked the bird… When my friend politely asked a woman heckler to either stop it or quietly leave, the woman tried to pick a physical fight with my friend and insulted her. It really didn’t seem like the voices of compassion and tolerance were at work there. Just knee-jerk self-righteousness giving way to a mob mentality. We were both upset with Yoshi’s management when they cut the lights and sound on Shocked in mid-song.
“Epstein’s conclusion? “I understand that gay rights are a huge deal in San Francisco, and as far as I’m concerned they should be a huge deal everywhere. But off-kilter, somewhat random comments of an apparently troubled woman don’t make a rant. There wasn’t near enough focus, momentum, or cohesion for Shocked’s statements to qualify as a rant. Should Shocked have perhaps slowed things down and explained herself more clearly? Yes, she damn well should have. But I’m not sure she could at that point, between her agitation and the crowd’s ugly mood, which seemed largely driven by an initial few, but very vocal, over-reactions. I can’t pretend to understand everything that happened that night. But I was willing to cut a woman some slack who had talked of nothing but compassion and helping the less fortunate since I first saw her play 25 years ago.”
Mr. Epstein emailed me yesterday as well, and I got the feeling that Michelle was attempting to make a point which got drowned out by the mob mentality that was so pissed off they tuned out any possible explanation.
Whether that’s the case or not, we’ll find out tomorrow. But the Michelle Shocked I know never does things the easy way, as explained, perhaps, in her song “The Hard Way”:
If I was smart I would take your advice
But I am not and so I have to think twice
Never a lesson have I learned
Without first being burnedOh, the troubles I’ve known!
I seem to learn everything the hard way
I’m not old enough to be on my own
But I’m much too old to stayI was about to tell you the truth
All the mistakes of my wasted youth
And why I didn’t make it home on time
But you would have thought
I was only lyingI always believed I ran away
But now I know I was told to go
Maybe it’s worked out better this way
What could you say I didn’t already know?Again, we’ll find out tomorrow morning…. Just one last point. Other than our public exchange in which we set the time for this interview, I have not spoken with or otherwise heard from Michelle, so you know as much as I do.
Today on the show, Julianna Forlano joined in. She’s a regular with me on Thursday mornings, but since I moved her to make way for Bob Ney and Michelle Shocked tomorrow, she came on the show today to talk about the 10th anniversary of the Iraq war, the spinelessness of the Democrats for caving on bringing an assault weapons ban to the Senate floor, and more.
of She’s History joined in to talk about the sad rape stories that have dominated the news of late, and Crooks and Liars’ helped round out the show.
*** Nicole’s note*** Three strange things happened as I tried to publish this post.
1. My site went down. It wasn’t down for long, but long enough that I couldn’t post before having to leave to pick my kid up from school.
2. An audio recording of the “rant” was posted to the San Francisco Bay Guardian. You can listen to that here.
I’m still digesting it, but will have lots of questions for Michelle tomorrow regarding it.
3. I’m now seeing that Buzzfeed is reporting “Late last night, Shocked finally responded to the reports in and “open letter” distributed by her publicist.” This is interesting, because the person listed on her website, Cary Baker, reports that he hasn’t worked with her in four years and he’s none too happy that his name is still on her website — especially as he just returned from SXSW to this firestorm when he has work for his real clients to deal with. (Cary is an old friend, and he told me this first-hand.) The Buzzfeed report states that Michelle released this statement through her publicist last night, with no clue as to who the publicist is — and Michelle, herself, who has been tweeting, albeit somewhat cryptically, has not mentioned it.
With that in mind, here’s the “open letter” Buzzfeed is attributing to Shocked:
I do not, nor have I ever, said or believed that God hates homosexuals (or anyone else). I said that some of His followers believe that. I believe intolerance comes from fear, and these folks are genuinely scared. When I said “Twitter that Michelle Shocked says “God hates faggots,” I was predicting the absurd way my description of, my apology for, the intolerant would no doubt be misinterpreted. The show was all music, and the audience tweets said they enjoyed it. The commentary came about ten minutes later, in the encore.
And to those fans who are disappointed by what they’ve heard or think I said, I’m very sorry: I don’t always express myself as clearly as I should. But don’t believe everything you read on facebook or twitter. My view of homosexualty has changed not one iota. I judge not. And my statement equating repeal of Prop 8 with the coming of the End Times was neither literal nor ironic: it was a description of how some folks – not me – feel about gay marriage.
The show, and the rant, was spontaneous. As for those applauding my so-called stance that “God Hates Faggots,” I say they should be met with mercy, not hate. And I hope that what remains of my audience will meet that intolerance with understanding, even of those who might hate them.
Folks wonder about my sexuality, but denying being gay is like saying I never beat my husband. My sexuality is not at issue. What is being questioned is my support for the LGBT community, and that has never wavered. Music and activism have always been part of my work and my journey, which I hope and intend to continue. I’d like to say this was a publicity stunt, but I’m really not that clever, and I’m definitely not that cynical.
But I am damn sorry. If I could repeat the evening, I would make a clearer distinction between a set of beliefs I abhor, and my human sympathy for the folks who hold them. I say this not because I want to look better. I have no wish to hide my faults, and – clearly – I couldn’t if I tried.
With love,
Michelle
That statement was followed by a second:I believe in a God who loves everyone, and my faith tells me to do my best to also love everyone. Everyone: gay or straight, stridently gay, self-righteously faithful; left or right, far left, far right; good, bad, or indifferent. That’s the law: everyone.
I may disagree with someone’s most fervently held belief, but I will not hate them. And in this controversy, that means speaking for Christians with opinions I in no way share about homosexuality. Will I endorse them? Never. Will I disavow them? Never.
I stand accused of forsaking the LGBT community for a Christianity which is – hear me now – anathema to my understanding of faith. I will no doubt take future flack for saying so. I’m accused of believing that “God hates fags” and that the repeal of Prop 8 will usher in the End Times. Well, if I caused such an absurdity, I am damn sorry. To be clear: I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of any so-called faith preaching intolerance of anyone. Again, anyone: straight or gay, believers or not: that’s the law.
That means upholding my punk rock values in the most evangelical enclaves and, in this case, speaking up for the most fearful of fundamentalists in, well, a San Francisco music hall full of Michelle Shocked fans.
As an artist in this time of unbearable culture wars, I understand: this means trouble, and this is neither the first nor last time trouble has come my way. And that’s fine by me.
I know the fear many in the evangelical community feel about homosexual marriage, as I understand the fear many in the gay community feel toward the self-appointed faithful. I have and will continue speaking to both. Everything else – facebook, twitter, whatever – is commentary.
Curiouser and curiouser ….
I have all of her music. I saw her in concert in the 1990’s at Bumbershoot in Seattle..she was newly married and very pregnant..she kept on talking about how happily married she was..as if to convince herself. Now I read she had her tubes tied as a teen and has no children…Anyone know? Am looking forward to an explanation about her remarks at Yoshis…I hope I can listen to her music again ..right now..no way.
kimbo – i am relieved to read another account of michelle’s very pregnant performance, i was beginning to think i had imagined it.
a little background info – i lived in san francisco throughout the 80s-90s, worked at rainbow grocery (natural foods co-op) with her squat mates and came to know michelle through them. she has always been kind, decent and generous to me and we have maintained contact over the years. i can tell you that she was well loved by the produce chick crew at rainbow and we were quite surprised when she married. i met her husband at that time i saw her perform while obviously pregnant – i’d guess 5th month at least, based on my own experience. her husband was not a likeable guy and of course, no one ever heard anything further about healthy delivery of her baby. her ‘kind hearted woman’ cd was released and we assumed the worst, based on that album.
it was only recently where i read her claim that she had her tubes tied at 22 as some type of ‘sacrifice’ so that she could claim honest support of a woman’s right to choose without having to deal with any back lash about suffering ‘abortion guilt’. it sounds somewhat extreme and convoluted to me. also, while researching i discovered statements that she and her then husband made several attempts at in-vitro but with no results. i have read one account of a miscarriage.
although i no longer live in san francisco, i had plans to see her in northern california and to take my teen daughter who is quite accomplished on guitar and vocals as birthday present. i had been in touch with michelle and had plans to spend some time visiting with her at the venue. i was very excited for so many reasons. when news of sunday’s meltdown started creeping out that night, all i could feel was shock and sadness. i knew i could not see her perform, much less take my daughter who has been raised to appreciate all the people in her life, especially her gay god parents.
i have plenty of experience dealing with a bi-polar parent who took occasional breaks from reality which included paranoia, violence, suicidal thoughts and delusions. it took a lot to maintain that relationship, i was not always successful, but i still mourn the loss of my father 18 months ago and am glad i was at his side and loving him while letting him go.
michelle’s actions this week (and accounts i have read/heard in the past) remind me very much of relating to my father. i do believe she is suffering a severe breakdown. this in no way excuses her words and actions, i have let her know, but expect no response. i can only hope she is able to get the help she needs. ironically, i was listening to her music when this news broke, i have not been able to do so since and have no clue if i ever will again.
[…] whatever – is commentary. Note: Nicole Sandler, who will interview Shocked tomorrow, adds this interesting post: I’m now seeing that Buzzfeed is reporting “Late last night, Shocked finally responded to […]
(Wow! It’s Pete Lawrence!)
If Nicole reads this before the show, I’d like to offer a couple topics for discussion…
LIFE IMITATING ART
Shocked has an old song called “Campus Crusade” about Sister Cindy, who used to be a disco queen before she was saved. And then she got in some hot water with the audience who didn’t care for the message they preached, forcing them to wrap their sermon up quick. The song ended with a condemnation of the “crusaders.” I’m curious how she views that song now and if she even identifies with Sister Cindy.
BIBLICAL LITERALISM
There are many ways to read the Bible, and literalism is — and I’m sorry for this — a damn ignorant one. “Because the Bible says so” is no substitute for the conscience He put in our hearts. There are blessed strains of Christianity out there, corruptive ones, and plenty that are mixtures of both. I urge her to look in her heart to tell the difference.
LOVE
I’ve been a fan of Michelle’s since Captain Swing and have all her albums (including the reissues). Though I am an unwavering supporter of my LGBTQ brothers and sisters, my heart also breaks for Michelle as some of her own fans have disowned her. Michelle is not a hateful person, but I do think some tainted Christianity is giving her some cognitive dissonance which blew up a few days ago. You have my love, Michelle. Don’t give up on us.
I would love to hear Pete call into the show tomorrow!
I’m disappointed that your provided a long and rather Shock-supporting statement from Colin Epstein (who is straight) and did not balance it with another view from someone from the GLBT community who was there.
Shame on Michelle Shocked!
For better or worse, I’m the guy from the UK who brought MShocked to wider attention through a recording I made at Kerrville Folk Festival in 86 – the meeting came about around the dying embers of a campfire shortly after encountering her for the first time, after walking up and asking if I could make a recording as part of my travelogue tape as I wended my way open-eyed around the States for the first time. A very intimate performance followed for an audience of one, one of the most magical moments in my life.
That session subsequently became known as the infamous ‘Texas Campfire Tapes’ which was then released on the small indie label I had just started, Cooking Vinyl.
I knew from the first moment that there was a dark side to her, but still made the decision to move forward and contact her again as the recording was very special and deserved to be heard. She gave her unqualified support to the project (though later re-writing history by claiming it was a bootleg!) She soon moved to the UK, determined to give the singer / songwriter thing her best shot, touring it here, there and everywhere around Europe. Her stage performances were quite extraordinary in their intensity and warm charm.
I quickly learned that many regarded Michelle as very calculating and it was clear that she was uncompromising, to the extent that she seemed to fall out with pretty much everyone she ever worked with, including her first manager, with whom she was locked in a five year legal battle over non-payment of management commission, which included the work he did in securing her deals with Polygram and Polygram Music and much more. I believe that she then went on to sue her major record company by citing the Thirteenth Amendment, which abolished slavery.
There are many things I could say, from first hand experience especially about her re-writing the history around her Cooking Vinyl years, that supposed ‘bootleg’ we were meant to have released “without her knowledge” – an untruth that permeated across Wikipedia, Amazon and beyond to this day which is about as much of a distortion of the truth as I could ever imagine, given the lengths we all went to to work the album in the press, on TV and radio and her touring it live all over Europe whilst living in the UK.
And years later, her ‘bootlegging’ (if I dare to use the word again!) a third generation copy of my campfire cassette recording I sent her for reference purposes, only to find she then mastered and released it on her label as ‘The Texas Campfire Takes’ with not even a mention of my involvement, let alone an attempt to negotiate any sort of deal with me for the release, although she was happy enough to use my photo on the cover without credit. Put simply, it was more convenient to airbrush me out of history.
Enough for now. Much as it pains me to revisit this stuff once more, maybe some good with ultimately come out of the chaos that seems to follow Michelle around, which so often seems to lead to grief for those around her. The fact that some of my friends have contacted me saying they have destroyed their copies of Texas Campfire Tapes is something I will slowly take on board, much as I feel pity for this lost soul too. I wish her well and I hope that through whatever means, she eventually finds a peace that is not hateful and hurtful to others.
Pete Lawrence
Pete,
I really appreciate you weighing in. The story, then, is even sadder, as her problems are obviously nothing new.
I though lomg and hard befor posting the text exchange she and I had last night, but it’s up on the post with the trainwreck of an attempted interview from earlier today. She takes a swipe at you and your “bootleg” recording even then.
[…] Note: Nicole Sandler, who will interview Shocked tomorrow, adds this interesting post: […]
That sad truth is that you are no different than the pundits and talking heads on the far right. As far as you as you are concerned, everyone that thinks differently than you is an idiot and the cause of everything wrong in the world. You and your ilk on the “progressive” left are no different than the “conservative” right. How sad for the majority of us in the middle, whether we lean a little left or right.
Wow Bill! Care to tell us how you arrived at your brilliant conclusion? Me and my “ilk”? Are you referring to anything in particular, or just my general ilkiness?