Yes, it’s time for another stand-up comedy blog in which I steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture. For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc. A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
It was a sad week for us in the comedy community. The great JOAN RIVERS passed away. She never wanted to stop and she didn’t have too. Even at 81, proving that age has nothing to do with it, she was still the funniest person on television. Dear JOAN — R.I.P.
Nude photos of JENNIFER LAWRENCE and KIM KARDASHIAN were all over the internet last week. I turned on my computer and it went from Google to Ogle.
Naked photos of KIM KARDASHIAN, what’s the big deal? She’s naked on her drivers license.
And hackers are trading them like baseball cards. There’s a lot of money in it. I hear you can get a million dollars for a naked BABE RUTH. Two million if he’s holding his bat.
They’re blaming all this hacking on APPLE’S iCloud. Hollywood hasn’t been rocked like this since the great kale shortage.
As a remedy, APPLE is partnering with AMERICAN EXPRESS with a new wallet-like iPhone that would not only stop hacking but you wouldn’t have to carry credit cards around anymore. Great!! Now you can lose your naked pictures and all your money in one fell swoop.
BRAD PITT and ANGELINA JOLIE finally got married during a secret ceremony at a chateau in France. It was an intimate affair attended only by 100 of their closest children.
The drug store chain CVS announced they’re no longer selling cigarettes and estimate they will lose about $2 billion this year. Competitors, Walgreens and Rite-Aid, have no plans to follow suit. As much as they understand the consequences of smoking they also understand the wonderful consequences of making $2 billion a year.
Los Angeles got its first “Dunkin’ Donuts” shop. Catering to the taste of the people of Los Angeles, they came out with a special item. It’s an “Organic Kale Donut” — baked Humanely.
JUSTIN BIEBER was arrested and charged with assault after his vehicle hit a mini-van. On the plus side, it was the first hit he’s had in a while.
KEANU REEVES turned 50 years old last week. His next movie will be, “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Prostate Exam.”
Los Angeles is considering a new plan to boost the city’s minimum wage to $13.25 an hour. It’s getting huge support — from Mexico.
Burglars broke into a Costco and stole hundreds of bottles of Rogaine and Viagra pills. Police are on the lookout for bald-headed men with a satisfied look on their face.
By the way, you can get your flu shot at Costco’s. Only thing is, you have to get 6 of them.