“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
According to a new poll, nearly 6 out of 10 Republicans want MITT ROMNEY to run for President. It goes to 10 out of 10 with Democrats.
At the State of the Union address, PRESIDENT OBAMA made history by using the words transgender, lesbian, and bisexual in his speech. It was the part of the speech where he was just reading from the “CraigsList Personals.”
Coach BILL BELICHICK of the New England Patriots was called in to answer questions about the footballs that were mysteriously deflated in their game against the Colts. When he heard this, GEORGE ZIMMERMAN, the Florida gun shooter said, “See!!! Never trust anyone in a hoodie.”
Florida is considering a bill to decriminalize marijuana. But first “South Beach” has to get over the shock of finding out it was ILLEGAL in the first place.
KIM KARDASHIAN is releasing a book of “Selfies.” It almost didn’t get published. The editor asked her to take a picture of her most distinguished possession and KIM almost broke her arm reaching back there to take the shot.
Saudi Arabia’s new KING SALMAN has promised to maintain his brother ABDULLAH’S vision, which means women will still not be able to drive an automobile. Do you know how hard it is to get your kid to a Little League game on a camel?
MARTIN SCORSESE’S documentary about BILL CLINTON is on hold indefinitely after the former PRESIDENT demanded more control. These are some scenes the EX-PREZ wanted SCORSESE to edit out:
The scene showing PRESIDENT CLINTON’S popularity hitting an all-time high — right after the public found out his zipper hit an all-time low.
The scene where they were thinking of changing the address of the White House to “1600 Melrose Place.”
The scene showing CLINTON presenting the first balanced budget in 30 years, which was no surprise. Any man who could balance HILLARY, GENNIFER FLOWERS, PAULA and MONICA would have no trouble with a mere budget.
A scene where MONICA LEWINSKY admits she had sex with the PRESIDENT, but she didn’t inhale.
The scene showing Presidential adviser VERNON JORDAN telling MONICA to keep her mouth shut. And HILLARY saying, “NOW he tells her.”
And finally a scene of them taking a poll of 1000 women in Washington D.C. and asking if they would have sex with the former PRESIDENT, and 86 percent saying, “Never again.”
PBS’ “Drugs Of The Future” story gave us a glimpse into the miracle medicines of tomorrow, but sadly they left out some little known breakthrough items:
A medication for farmers with hemorrhoids. “Preparation 4-H” (and remember the good things about having hemorrhoids. Your problems are all behind you).
The longest lasting laxative pill in history. To be called “2000 Flushes.”
“Blechomyacin” A new discovery that makes you feel you’ve just eaten a gluttonous meal. Side effects: Drowsiness, lack of energy and an overwhelming urge to sit on a couch with your pants unbuttoned.
