“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
The Treasury Department announced there will be a woman’s picture on the new ten dollar bill. My vote goes to OPRAH WINFREY. She’s loved by millions, dynamic, intelligent, only one drawback. The way she’s built they may have to put her on two five’s.
RACHEL DOLEZAL, the white woman pretending to be African American, has resigned from her position as President of the Spokane NAACP. I was reading about it as I sat on the beach not wearing sunscreen, and before I knew it I was elected to run the Spokane NAACP.
An English couple has become the world’s oldest newlyweds at the ages of 91 and 103. If you’d like to get them a gift the couple is registered at “Bed, Bath & the Great Beyond.”
Well it’s official. DONALD TRUMP announced he’s running for President of the United States. That means six more weeks of comedy.
DONALD TRUMP announced that he’s running for president, and based on the amount of bronzer he uses, he’s also running for president of the Spokane NAACP.
Yes, DONALD TRUMP threw his wallet into the ring and he’s a strong possibility. He’s rich, he’s handsome and he has a imposing personality. One problem. While DONALD is running FOR President, that thing on his head is running FROM the dog catcher.
TRUMP is even ready to show his birth certificate to reporters. “Who cares about his birth certificate?” One said. “We want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.”
DONALD TRUMP made a big thing about PRESIDENT OBAMA’S birth certificate, saying the PREZ could be a Muslim. TRUMP said he doesn’t trust anyone with a foreign sounding name, and neither does his daughter IVANKA.
Political analysts are saying that as a candidate TRUMP is a totally “unqualified nuisance.” In other words, he fits right in with the other 19 Republican contenders.
DONALD pledged to become “The greatest jobs President that God ever created.” This, mind you, from the man famous for the catch phrase “You’re fired.”
I wouldn’t say TRUMP is confident he’ll win, but he could be the only Presidential candidate to ever pick himself as a running mate.
DONALD has a big identity problem. He doesn’t know if he’s a conservative Republican from New York, a pseudo-Democrat from Wall Street or a backup singer for ARETHA FRANKLIN.
I think DONALD is fully prepared to become our President and take care of the problems in the Middle East. After all, nothing says “Commander-In-Chief” like someone who can stop a fight between MEAT LOAF and GARY BUSEY.
GARY BUSEY said he would vote for DONALD TRUMP. Now if TRUMP can get the endorsements of RANDY QUAID, CHARLIE SHEEN and NICOLAS CAGE he’ll have the “Nutsy Fagan” vote all sewed up.
Running for President will not allow him to appear on his reality show, “Celebrity Apprentice,” but not to worry. DONALD has already made a deal to have his hair get its own show on Animal Planet.
FATHER’S DAY…Since 1910, the 3rd Sunday in June has been set aside to honor dear old dad, keeper of the “Y Chromosome.” On this day we ply the old man with gifts, send him cards, buy him dinners and whatever else we can tack on to his Visa Card.
