“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Another person jumped the White House fence. It looks like MICHELLE OBAMA’S program; “Americans Getting More Exercise” is paying off.
The guy was immediately attacked by two Secret Service dogs. But not to worry. Dog bites are covered under Obamacare, so he’ll be fine.
There have been seven fence jumps at the White House so far this year. I think it’s time the President gave JOE BIDEN his own key.
RON KLAIN has been named the new “Ebola czar” which will be a tough job. Of course, not as tough as him introducing himself as the “Ebola czar” and getting someone to shake his hand.
There was a big Ebola scare in New York City when a doctor who was treating Ebola patients in Guinea became the first person in the city to test positive. After getting off the plane he traveled by subway to a bowling alley in Brooklyn. Unfortunately, no one knew he was sick. He passed out at 42nd street and the subway car was so crowded he couldn’t fall down until he got to Williamsburg.
President Obama was out playing golf when he hit a tee shot 250 yards. Forget about candidates, even golf balls are trying to distance themselves from him.
The head of TSA, JOHN PISTOLE, is stepping down after more than four years on the job. Whoever takes his place is going to have some pretty big shoes to take off.
KENNY G caused a controversy. He tweeted his support of the Hong Kong protesters and now China’s Communist government is mad at him. They responded the only way they can. They pulled all of KENNY’S music out of their elevators.
A lot of the KENNY G music has become pirated Chinese CDs which are copyrighted. Of course, the Chinese vehemently deny this. Here are songs from their latest Hit Parade. You be the judge.
“I’m A Yangtse Noodle Dandy”
“The Night They Invented Chow Mein”
“I’ll Take You Home Again Mei Ling”
“On A Clear Day You Can Bomb Formosa”
“Thai A Yalu River Round The Old Oak Tree”
“Rose Of Tianamin Square”
and of course
“Bar Mir Bist Du Chan”
It’s that time of the year when once again we celebrate the scariest most frightening holiday. Not Halloween. I’m talking about Election Day.
Isn’t it fun? Halloween and Election Day less than a week apart. And on both of them it’s the public that gets tricked.
Last year a kid rang my bell just to go to the bathroom. I said, “Trick or treat?” He said, “Now or never!”
It’s also World Series time which means the baseball season is almost over. For those of you, like me, who are addicted to the game and will miss seeing it on TV, here are some things to do until spring training rolls around.
Hire VIN SCULLY to do a play-by-play account of your wife making a meat loaf.
Pay your next door neighbor to stand in front of your TV set, chew bubble gum, spit and scratch his crotch. That way you’ll keep the ambiance going.
Take out your old record books and look up the day JOE DIMAGGIO made the greatest catch of all time: MARILYN MONROE.
It was in October of 1995 that MICKEY MANTLE, the legendary baseball hero, died of a liver ailment caused by a drinking problem he had during his years with a New York Yankees. How much did he drink? The last time he stepped to the plate the bases were empty, but he was loaded.
