“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
CHARLES MANSON is getting married. That’s funny. I thought he was already serving a life sentence.
The 80 year old MANSON is marrying a 26 year old woman in prison. It’s getting tougher and tougher for single women out there. First CLOONEY, then BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, and now MANSON. All the good ones are either married, gay or are crazy murderers.
The dating site “OK Cupid” seems to be very popular. Unfortunately, the MANSON couple met on that other VERY popular website — “OK Stupid.”
If you’re looking to get the happy couple a gift, they’re registered at “Bloodbath & Beyond.”
I can just see the wedding being held in CHARLIE’S prison. It will be a quiet, intimate affair attended only by the immediate “screws.”
Everything about the wedding will be classy and correct. Before the reception MARTHA STEWART will be consulted as to “What wine goes with slop?”
And what excitement there will be when the bride throws her bouquet and it’s caught by the Maid Of Honor — ROCCO.
The wedding will take place during the “Conjugal Visit Weekend” and the happy couple will spend their entire honeymoon visiting each other’s conjugals.
It was announced that next year POPE FRANCIS is coming to the United States, or as Fox News is reporting it, “Because of Obama’s Executive Order on immigration, pretty soon EVERY South American will be coming here.
It looks like the nation is in for one of its cruelest winters. It’s only November and we’ve already had tons of snow and freezing weather. It was so cold at Mount Rushmore, LINCOLN’S mole fell off from frostbite and broke TEDDY ROOSEVELT’S glasses.
It was so cold in Buffalo, New York a hunter tried to write his name in the snow and it was the last time he’ll ever “flick his Bic.”
It was so cold in the Midwest, one guy thought he saw the Virgin Mary in the snow but he couldn’t be sure, she was wearing earmuffs and Snuggies.
It was so cold in Colorado, they changed the name of the statue honoring JOHN DENVER to JOHN MIAMI BEACH.
And it promises to be so cold for this year’s “Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.” The Radio City Rockettes are having “space Heaters” installed in their cleavage.
TEXTING CODES
(Courtesy of Casey Keller)
You Know how kids use text abbreviations like LOL for “laughing out loud,” or FYI for “For Your Information.” Well here are some for you “Old folks” to use.
ATD – At the Doctor’s
BFFF- At Best Friends Funeral
BTW – Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth
DWI – Driving While Incontinent
TOT – Texting on Toilet
and finally
GGLKI Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!
