“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
JEB BUSH is getting his presidential campaign in gear. He supports a path to citizenship for immigrants. He said, “I believe in an America where hard work and dedication can lead to any job, even if you are not able to use the English language properly or understand what’s required of the position. It worked for my brother.”
We’re really in for an exciting presidential campaign with these three Captains of Charisma, JEB BUSH, BEN CARSON and SCOTT WALKER running. Last week they ran into each other at the airport, shook hands and their hands fell asleep.
If SARAH PALIN wants to run she’ll have strong party backing. The Democrats are 100 percent for her.
JUSTIN BIEBER celebrated his 21st birthday on an island in the Caribbean. Big party. They served a cake with 21 candles and instead of blowing them out, JUSTIN smoked them.
Archaeologists in Nazareth believe they may have found the house that JESUS grew up in. And in the backyard they found the pool where he learned to walk.
There was also a basketball basket above the driveway, but no one could score. Whenever anyone took a shot JESUS healed the hoop.
Two California teachers were charged with having sex with their students. My how times have changed. When I went to school, if you were a prized student, the best you could hope for was, you got to “bang the erasers.” — (pound off the chalk)
San Francisco and Oakland have challenged each other to a “Clean-Off” to see which city can make itself the most beautiful. To start the clean up, San Francisco told TONY BENNETT to stop by and pick up the heart he left there.
San Francisco’s Mayor told him, “If your heart isn’t picked up in 30 days we’ll give it to a needy lawyer.”
TACO BELL is testing a new dessert item called “Cap’n Crunch Delights” That’s warm doughnut holes filled with sugary cream and rolled in Cap’n Crunch cereal. They really know how to capture the flavors of old Mexico.
Forbes released its annual list of billionaires. Once again the richest person on the planet, with $79.2 billion, is BILL GATES. To put that into perspective, that’s enough money to never have to shop in any other supermarket but “Whole Foods.”
I knew BILL was very rich. I once saw him on a flight to New York and his wallet was considered carry-on luggage.
He is also redecorating his house. The living room is so big instead of carpeting they planted wheat.
This week was “National Grammar Day.” Who cares? Upps, sorry. I mean, WHOM cares?
The third season of “House of Cards” premiered on Netflix this weekend. There was corruption, deceit, and betrayal and that was just Congressmen hurrying their speeches so they could watch it.
Contaminated endoscopes have caused deadly “Superbug” infections at such prestigious medical facilities as “UCLA Medical Center” and “Cedars Sinai.” Here are some lesser known hospitals to be careful of when seeking medical treatment:
“Murray’s House of Cardiac Arrests”
“Bypasses R Us”
“Tony and Angio-Plasty”
and the ever popular — “Jiffy Cure.”
