Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
After 20 years KOBE BRYANT played his final NBA game. KOBE officially retired from basketball last Wednesday. The rest of the LAKERS team retired in November.
KOBE says he’s looking forward to retirement. His teammates are looking forward to finding out what the ball feels like.
HILLARY CLINTON and BERNIE SANDERS debated in Brooklyn. They discussed important issues such as national security, the economy, and whose supporters are the most annoying on Facebook.
BERNIE must have forgotten he was in New York. Every time he waved his finger to stop HILLARY from trying to make a point he hailed a taxi.
A new poll found that BERNIE SANDERS is the most likable of all the Presidential candidates. That’s like being the best-dressed person at Wal-Mart.
The primaries so far show that SANDERS is attracting the young voters while HILLARY is getting the much older ones. So much so, that today BERNIE said he’s voting for HILLARY.
TED CRUZ’S wife, HEIDI, said DONALD TRUMP’S nasty “tweet” about her looks did not bother her. She said, “Part of my marriage vow to TED was to give up all human feeling.”
House Speaker, PAUL RYAN, said, if there is a contested Republican convention he is definitely NOT to be put up for nomination. You know things are bad in the Republican Party when people who aren’t even running are dropping out of the race.
Why do I have the feeling if DONALD TRUMP doesn’t win he’s going to sue all of us?
A 104-year-old man just became the oldest person in the world to get his first tattoo. It says, “Do Not Resuscitate.”
This month marks the 6th anniversary of the BRITISH PETROLEUM oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. It was the worst spill ever, leaking at the rate of over 5,000 barrels of oil a day. It got so bad, in a restaurant when you ordered sea bass, the waiter asked if you wanted it “regular” or “unleaded.”
There was so much oil in the water, I saw a guy fishing with a dip stick.
BP tried to stop the giant oil leak by using a 100-ton concrete dome. It was the most cement anyone had ever seen in water since JOHN GOTTI tried to take over the GAMBINO family.
Then BP tried an operation known as “Top Kill,” but it didn’t work. “Top Kill” came right on the heels of their previous operations, “Fish kill” and “Bird kill.”
This week is the beginning of the eight-day Jewish holiday of PASSOVER. Celebrating the time when the Jews where freed from slavery and Moses led them to the sea and sand — In other words, history’s first Spring Break.
During Passover no regular baked goods can be eaten, only unleavened bread called matzos. In keeping with the fiber craze, this year bakers will offer a new variety. Whole wheat and bran matzo fortified with Metamucil. It’s called “Let My People Go.”
