“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
I don’t want to say the ACADEMY AWARDS ran long last Sunday night, but the kid from “Boyhood” just moved into a Senior Citizen Assisted Living Home.
Do you realize the OSCARS lasted longer than most Hollywood marriages.
It might have been even longer. It helped that BRADLEY COOPER was in the balcony with a rifle in case any of the speeches went on too long.
The “Best Director” “Best Screenplay” and “Best Picture” award went to ALEJANDRO GONZALEZ INARRITU for “Birdman.” He was so thrilled to win all three, it took him 5 minutes of “thank yous” to tell us he was “speechless.”
To try for next year’s OSCAR he’s already working on the sequel that should hit the mark, “Birdman meets Statueman.”
The “Best Visual Effects” award went to “Interstellar,” a film where 300 technicians worked long hours and spent millions of dollars to create the same terrifying mass destruction that you could get free during lunch period in any high school in America.
And we were all touched by the “In Memoriam” part of the show. Our yearly tribute to those stars who have passed on to a better place — the “Turner Classic Movie” channel.
Winning an Oscar really helps a star’s career. Right after the 1997 Academy Awards, KENNETH BRANAGH took one look at that year’s winner, CUBA GOODING, and immediately signed him to star in his latest project, “Hamlet In The Hood.”
JUSTIN BEIBER is turning 21 this week, so now finally he can drink. If you’re thinking of getting him a birthday present, he’s registered at “Bed, Bath and Be Bombed.”
In a recent poll, it was found that 87 percent of Americans say they’re in favor of getting out of Afghanistan, 5 percent oppose it and the other 8 percent are still watching the OSCARS.
Alaska officially legalized marijuana. Just what they needed, a GRIZZLY with the munchies.
The DALAI LAMA says watching TV is a waste of time. There is, however, one show he thinks is worth watching and now that it’s going off he’ll miss it. “Parks and Reincarnation.”
DISNEY amusements parks are raising the price of a one-day ticket which, of course, includes DISNEY WORLD’S “Epcot.” Now you can either buy a ticket or, to save money, you can take the actual trip around the world.
The East coast was hit, once again, by freezing weather. It was so cold in New York City, men working on Madison Avenue (Mad Men) were wearing “50 Shades of Grey Flannel.”
It was so cold REV. AL SHARPTON had to call triple-A to jump-start his tongue.
The temperature in the city was down to two-degrees. To keep warm, Christmas may be over but those chestnuts roasting over an open fire will come in handy. Just drop a few into your shorts.
CPAC MEETING: This week the Conservative Republicans, in a hush-hush meeting, met behind closed minds.
