laugh really sick jokes

“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!

Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.

For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

I went shopping on the biggest bargain day of the year, “Black Friday” and had to fight my way to make a purchase. But it was worth it. Saturday I watched the football games on my brand new 60-inch flat screen TV — from the comfort of my brand new full-body cast.

Then came Cyber Monday. One guy was so excited about Cyber Monday he slept in a tent outside his computer since Friday.

Now let me get this straight. First our credit card got a workout on “Black Friday.” Then we used it on a big online shopping day called “Cyber Monday” — Now we’re worried because that was immediately followed by “Identity Theft Tuesday.”

More than eight million people stopped using credit cards last year. Mostly, they were the wealthiest Americans who realized they already bought everything.

DONALD TRUMP is still under fire for mocking a reporter with physical disabilities. TRUMP told his supporters, “Don’t worry, I’ll soon do something worse and all this will be forgotten.”

TRUMP’S popular “Make America Great Again” hats are actually made at a California factory that employs Mexican immigrants. Even more embarrassing for TRUMP, his hair is made by Syrian refugees.

Forecasters say “El Niño” should bring much needed rain to California. But don’t get excited. DONALD TRUMP said if elected President he won’t let anyone named “El Niño” into the country.

Laker legend, KOBE BRYANT, announced he’ll retire at the end of the season. Meanwhile, the rest of the Laker team announced they quit playing a month ago.

We may have an answer to the drought we have here in California. NASA has developed a machine that converts urine into drinking water. When my dog heard this, I swear, I heard him laugh out loud.

The urine machine is all set up ready to go, but it’s still sitting in GOV. BROWN’S office, unused. All we hear from the GOV.’S office staff is “You try it!” “No, YOU try it!”

Security has been stepped up for the holidays. The airport screening rule is; they can only touch the breasts and groin area over clothes. If I remember correctly, that was my wife’s rule on our first date.

It’s only the beginning of the month and already the Christmas spirit is in the air. A woman was rushed to the Emergency Room at Cedars-Sinai with a broken leg and instead of putting it into a cast they gift-wrapped it.

KYLIE JENNER, who is the youngest non-baby member of the KARDASHIANS, launched her “Lip Kit” for $29 and it sold out in seconds. If you want lips like KYLIE you don’t have to wait for a new batch to be made. Take the $29 you were going to spend, give it to a stranger and ask him to punch you in the mouth.