“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
The third Republican debate took place in Colorado where marijuana is legal. Which explains why every question from the audience was, “Will they be serving anything after the debate? Cheese, fruit, cupcakes, something!”
The World Series and the Republican debate were on at the same time. These are two events that have completely different attitudes toward Latino immigrants.
JEB BUSH had a very rough debate. He finally got time to say what he wanted, and how did he use it? He attacked not DONALD TRUMP or HILLARY CLINTON or BEN CARSON. He attacks MARCO RUBIO for missing votes in the Senate. Just like a BUSH, attacking the wrong guy.
BEN CARSON now holds a 14-point lead over DONALD TRUMP in Iowa. Experts say CARSON appeals to Iowa’s conservatives, its evangelicals and both of Iowa’s black people.
For the first time ever, DR. CARSON leads DONALD TRUMP in a national poll. TRUMP says he knows what it’s like to be the underdog. That’s what he wears on his head.
Happy birthday to HILLARY CLINTON who turned 68. It was the first time anyone has ever blown out the candles on a birthday cake and EVERYBODY knew what she wished for.
When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, “DONALD TRUMP.”
Russia plans on sending four monkeys to Mars. Not as preparation for a human mission. That’s what you get, even a monkey, when you criticize VLADIMIR PUTIN.
China has revised its one child per family rule. It will now allow parents to have two children. Chinese parents were so excited they let their kids have the day off from work.
Chinese parents were excited at the prospect of having more kids. So was NIKE.
It’s pumpkin time again and this year the big Halloween costume is dressing up like BILL COSBY and going from door to door playing “Trick or Trick.”
Another top Halloween costume is DONALD TRUMP. And the phrase “trick-or-treat” has been replaced with “Gimme a Snickers or I’ll deport you.”
Last year a kid rang my doorbell just to go to the bathroom. I said, “Trick or treat?” He said, “Now or never!”
Our market research released a list of celebrities favorite Halloween candies. Number one for Hollywood starlets is “Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.” Size “D” of course.
DOLLY PARTON’S favorite is “Peter Paul Mounds.”
LOIS LANE likes a “Clark Bar.”
and for MADONNA it’s a “Tootsie Roll — in the Hay.”
Following JOE BIDEN’S announcement that he will not run for office in 2016, HILLARY said “History isn’t finished with JOE BIDEN, but I am!”
JOE, history is NOT finished with you and we know you’ll be looking for something to do. May we offer some suggestions:
How about getting involved in a religious fast food franchise called, “Born Again Burgers” – They are served only by “Jehovah’s waitresses.”
Or you can go into manufacturing. There’s a big need for “Boomerang Milk Bones.” — For dogs too lazy to fetch.
Our best advice is for you to buy into a factory in Israel that makes Camembert and Brie…Maybe you’ve heard of it. It’s called “Cheeses Of Nazareth.”
