laughing chimp2

“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!

Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.

For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

This week DONALD TRUMP announced his tax plan. It calls for a tax hike on wealthy Americans. He also announced, as a result DONALD TRUMP can no longer support DONALD TRUMP.

Yes, TRUMP plans to raise taxes on the very rich, which doesn’t include him because he’s very, VERY rich.

Under TRUMP you won’t have to pay any income taxes if you make less than $25,000 a year, if you and your spouse make under $50,000 a year and if you capture an undocumented Mexican you won’t pay any taxes.

Of course, with THE DONALD as President we would save the country a lot of money. With the size of his ego, he could be his own Vice President.

In an interview with the New York Times, TRUMP said he’s only been getting four hours of sleep a night. Even DONALD TRUMP lies awake at night worrying about TRUMP becoming President.

Despite us suffering horrific Chinese hacking attacks, which they denied, PRESIDENT OBAMA gave visiting PRESIDENT XI JINPING a state dinner, where the Chinese President greeted every White House staffer by name, date of birth, bank account and Social Security number.

JOHN BOEHNER chose not to attend the dinner for the CHINESE PRESIDENT. He’s still upset that because of his complexion and his crying. In China they refer to him as “Orange Chicken.”

At the dinner the CHINESE PRESIDENT told PRESIDENT OBAMA’S 14-year-old daughter, SASHA, that she was a pretty little girl and asked her how many “Nikes” she could make in an hour.

PRESIDENT XI JINPING and his wife were so tired after a weekend of touring Washington, Sunday night they had dinner in their hotel room. They sent out for “American.”

The Chinese PRESIDENT announced an agreement aimed at limiting greenhouse gas emissions in his country. They’re trading in all their Volkswagens.

VLADIMIR PUTIN addressed the U.N. General Assembly. Unfortunately he addressed them as “My future Russians.”

PRESIDENT OBAMA and PRESIDENT PUTIN met at the U.N. and wound up talking for 90 minutes. PUTIN said it was the most productive conversation he’d ever had with someone who wasn’t tied to a chair.

NASA made a huge announcement. They have discovered water on Mars. This officially makes Mars more qualified to support human life than California.

They discovered not only water but ice. Now if they can find some gin and Vermouth we’ve really made a discovery.

WHOLE FOODS announced it is cutting 1500 jobs. When you lose your job at WHOLE FOODS you’re not unemployed, you become a “free range employee.”

TOM BRADY became the fourth quarterback in history to throw for over 400 touchdowns. Which works out to 320 when you adjust for inflation or deflation or what ever it is he’s accused of.