“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
DONALD TRUMP signed a loyalty pledge to the Republican Party saying he would endorse for President whomever wins the Republican nomination and would not run as a third party candidate. And when DONALD TRUMP makes a vow, he keeps it — just ask any of his wives.
TRUMP and MIKE HUCKABEE had dinner together at a Mexican restaurant in Arizona. It wasn’t good. First they sent their entree back to the kitchen, then they sent the kitchen staff back to Guadalajara.
ULtra-conservative RICK SANTORUM said he is the son of an Italian immigrant. Then, not to be outdone, immediately after the comment, he had his dad deported.
At a Town Hall meeting in Miami, JEB BUSH attacked DONALD TRUMP in both Spanish and English. Later that night, TRUMP responded in both English and a much, much louder and more vindictive English.
There’s going to be a second Republican debate on CNN next week and to make sure I’m not going to miss it, I’m going to DVR it. I hope it works. I tried to TiVo the last debate and my TiVo fell asleep.
Republicans think it will take about 5 states to decide the Presidential election. And if their candidate loses those 5 states will be shock, outrage, denial, anger and finally acceptance.
According to a new poll, HILLARY CLINTON has lost a third of her supporters in Iowa since May. There’s still debate as to whether she lost them or just deleted them from her database.
A judge in New York overturned TOM BRADY’S four-game suspension. TOM was pretty psyched, but I thought it was a bit much when he dumped a bucket of Gatorade on the judge’s head.
Monday is Labor Day. It’s the day we honor the American worker. When I say American worker, I’m talking about an 8-year-old kid in China.
Labor Day is the day that Americans take three days off from looking for work.
I guess summer is almost over. Last week there was a big “Back-To-School” sale at “Condoms R Us.”
Yes, it’s Back-To-School. Back to the 3R’s — “Reading, Riting and Reloading.”
The California drought continues. It’s so bad in Beverly Hills, pregnant women are now being asked to sit on their lawns when their water breaks.
The GIANTS are trailing the DODGERS by 71/2 games for first place in their division. You can tell they’re depressed. Five of the Giant players tested positive for Häagen-Dazs.
Happy birthday to Governor CHRIS CHRISTIE, who is 53 years old. The party was festive, just the way he would want it. They brought in a cake and out jumped another cake.
The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? (Courtesy of Dick Hardwick)
–DONALD TRUMP: All Mexican chickens who wish to cross this road must submit to a complete background check, and full body search
–HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
–DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?
–BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
–COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
–AL SHARPTON: Why are all these chickens white?
