“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
What a week. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of Same-sex marriages. The Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) can continue with subsidies for the poor. And the Confederate Flag has to come down in the South. PRESIDENT OBAMA went from “Lame Duck” to “Soaring Eagle.”
Congratulations gay people – You are about to discover the joys of alimony.
There’s already a ripple effect from the Supreme Court’s Same-sex marriage decision. There are so many gay marriages being planned, sales of JUDY GARLAND and LIZA MINNELLI albums have gone through the roof.
OVERHEARD AT A GAY WEDDING: “It’s a lovely wedding, and what a turn-out. There must be 10 guys for every guy.”
If Obamacare were struck down over 20 million people would, once again, have to go without health insurance. They’d have to go back to finding a doctor they could afford. One who you’d hear a lot of dogs barking in the waiting room.
A doctor who, On his wall there would be a “Man Of The Year” award — from Forest Lawn.
A doctor who’s medical diploma is signed by MARCUS WELBY.
One who’s M.D. on his diploma stands for “Many Disasters.”
A doctor who shares an office with a taxidermist and sells Mrs. Fields Cookies in the waiting room.
Those Confederate flags are going to have to come down. In South Carolina they were flying it on the shady side of the Capitol building. That’s because someone told them they should put the Confederate flag “where the sun don’t shine.”
California is going through one of the worst droughts since the Great Depression. In Los Angeles it’s so bad the Red Cross isn’t asking for blood. But they’ve sent out an urgent appeal for SALIVA donors.
It’s so dry, people in Beverly Hills no longer have water on the knee — just dust.
In Woodland Hills two trees were seen chasing a dog.
A lizard was spotted on a rock in Sherman Oaks using “Right Guard.”
One Minister in the San Fernando Valley has been reduced to baptizing parishioners with “Gatorade.”
After only one week of declaring he’s running, DONALD TRUMP came in second in a poll asking people who they want for President. I wouldn’t get too excited though. It was a poll of Democrats.
This week we’ll be celebrating the 4th OF JULY — It’s America’s birthday and everyone celebrates by shooting off fireworks, except ANN COULTER. She, as usual, will be shooting off her mouth.
The 4TH OF JULY is when we commemorate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on this day in 1776. It’s a little known fact but the fourth of July holiday actually stimulates worker productivity. After spending a day with loud fireworks – noisy parades – sloppy picnics – screaming children walking barefoot through the potato salad – and ants taking a sightseeing tour through your shorts – workers can’t wait to get back to their jobs the next day.
