Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc. A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
This week the 72nd version of the United Nations General Assembly was called to order and New York city was filled with people from all over the world who can do whatever they want, break any kind of law. I’m not talking about U.N. delegates — New York cab drivers.
PRESIDENT TRUMP gave a big speech at the U.N. General Assembly and he threatened to “totally destroy North Korea.” He said he has a good plan to do it, which can only mean one thing; he’s going to run for President of North Korea.
He said KIM JONG UN was “Rocket Man on a suicide mission.” If you want to insult KIM JUNG UM, don’t make it sound like he’s an action-packed movie franchise. Just call him “Lil’ Kimmie.”
TRUMP also threatened to return immigrants to their home countries. After making those comments he got a standing ovation from MELANIA.
PRESIDENT TRUMP told the United Nations to reform itself, citing mismanagement. For the first time, every nation on earth had a reason to come together. Io roll their eyes at DONALD TRUMP.
The wife of DONALD TRUMP’S ethics adviser was caught having sex in a car with a prison inmate. Can you believe that? DONALD TRUMP has an ethics adviser.
The big winner at the Emmys was “The Handmaid’s Tale,” a show about a repressive society where women have no rights. It won Best Writing, Best Drama, and Best MIKE PENCE Fantasy.
“Toys R Us” officially filed for bankruptcy after falling $5 billion in debt. They tried to pay it off, but the bank said, “Sorry, this is Monopoly money — Go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.”
I knew they were in trouble when I saw the BARBIE dolls packing up their outfits, getting them loaded onto a Bekins truck and moving back to Mattel.
A married couple in Louisiana was arrested after filming themselves having sex in a Walmart and a Burger King. They were very embarrassed, so they told their friends it was a Target and a Wendy’s.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER is going to return to the next “Terminator” movie. In this one, ARNOLD goes back in time to erase all traces of him hosting “Celebrity Apprentice.”
It was learned that TRUMP is using his 2020 campaign fund to pay his legal fees, which experts say is “wrong but not illegal.” Coincidentally, “Wrong But Not Illegal” is also TRUMP’S 2020 campaign slogan.