Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc. A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
The nation was shocked by the hideous, evil wind that has devastated so much of our land this week. God, I wish DONALD TRUMP would shut his mouth.
Hurricane Harvey pounded through Houston, Texas leaving flood waters that were devastating. One poor guy spent two days clinging to his ten gallon hat, watching it change into a hundred gallon hat.
PRESIDENT TRUMP went to take a look, but never actually went down into the flood waters. He remained in his plane, reading the bible, looking for loopholes.
This is TRUMP’S first natural disaster, not caused by him.
The PRESIDENT did make a strong statement condemning the violence — on “both sides.”
With so many thousands stranded, FEMA suggested housing hurricane victims by converting cruise ships into shelters. Just what they need. Two thousand homeless and destitute people learning how to play shuffleboard.
A little known causality when Hurricane Harvey smashed into Houston was an up-ended 18-wheel trailer truck destroying 10,000 copies of Roget’s Thesaurus. Witnesses were shocked, astounded, aghast, horrified, thunderstruck, dumb founded, bewitched, bothered and bewildered.
Los Angeles lawmakers voted to eliminate Columbus Day as a holiday replacing it with a new “Indigenous Peoples Day.” For all you kiddies: Columbus Day is when we celebrate the discovery of America in 1491. Everyone says it’s 1492, but it was really 1491. CHRIS’ three ships landed in Newark, New Jersey and they were able to hush it up for a year.
One of the reasons this historic day was eliminated was because we were celebrating the finding of our great country and proving the world was round by having a giant mattress sale.
Because of the “Uber” and “Lyft” taxi services in New York, you can now share a cab with strangers. I saw two strangers sharing a cab just today. One was taking the tires, the other was taking the radio.
Sharing a ride with strangers? Don’t we already have this? It’s called carjacking.
Monday is LABOR DAY which was established in 1894 to pay homage to the American worker. On this holiday families get together with kids screaming, traffic jams, picnics on dirty blankets with warm beer, cold hot dogs and potato salad garnished with ants. All this to glorify work, so that the next morning you can’t wait to get back to it.