Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
In a speech this week, HILLARY CLINTON called TRUMP “Unfit and dangerous” to be our Commander in Chief. I don’t want to say The DONALD got beat up, but CHRIS CHRISTIE applied to the New York Athletic Commission for a license to act as TRUMP’S cut man.
TRUMP fired back listing HILLARY’S so called foreign policy gaffes. TRUMP’S goal was to make her look like an incompetent Secretary of State. HILLARY’S goal was to make DONALD TRUMP look like DONALD TRUMP.
DONALD TRUMP issued a statement saying he will not debate BERNIE SANDERS. For a while it was looking like they were going to go ahead with it. TRUMP even met privately with members of his newly established foreign policy team to go over key points like, “This one’s the Middle East,” and “No, no, no, THIS one’s the Middle East.”
CNN has “Fact Checkers” standing by at all DONALD TRUMP speeches, to keep things honest. But they don’t have much to do. TRUMP manages NOT to say anything factual.
TRUMP is hoping this “Trump University” scandal will blow over. He doesn’t want his name dragged through the mud. He’ll need every bit of that mud for the next four months of the Presidential campaign.
This weekend we celebrated Memorial Day; the unofficial start of summer and the official start of men thinking they look good in black socks, dress shoes and shorts.
It’s also a family day when happy groups picnic. I always love to go on a picnic with my Uncle Murray. He’s a true gourmet. He knows what wine goes with ants.
The month of May marked the 54th anniversary of the “Birth Control Pill.” Research shows that over the years “The Pill” has prevented almost as many pregnancies as JOHNNY CARSON, JAY LENO and DAVID LETTERMAN together.
Roads and bridges all over the country are in great need of repair. Even New York’s famous Brooklyn Bridge is falling apart. So if you’re planning to commit suicide, please wear a hard hat.
Customers in a coffee house in Nashville, Tenn. discovered a cinnamon bun shaped in the likeness of MOTHER THERESA. They knew it was authentic because it was next to a doughnut and it healed the hole.
Not to be outdone, Jewish scholars discovered a prune Danish in the exact likeness of JACKIE MASON.
Many doctors are getting fed up with the restrictions and low fees they’re being paid by Medicare. Urologists are so furious they’re performing prostate exams with their middle finger.
MUHAMMAD ALI 1942-2016
The brash and brilliant boxing legend has died at 74.
“His was a story about a man,
with Iron fists and a beautiful tan.
His athletic genius could not be denied.
In a very short time his fame spread far and wide.
There’s an impression you got when watching him fight.
He played cat and mouse then he’d turn out the light.
Liston, Foreman and Frazier fell like broken sticks.
When he trapped then in the corner with his “Rope-a-dope tricks.
He could ‘float like a Butterfly Sting like a bee.’
As he so often proclaimed, ‘I am the greatest.’ YES, the greatest was he.” — Rest in peace.
JUNE ALMANAC
WORLD WAR ONE; Anniversary…On June 28th, 1914 World War One began. Also on this same day in 1919, the “Treaty of Versailles” formally ended the war. It was called “The War To End All Wars.” Since then we’ve had World War Two, the Korean War, VietNam, Grenada, Panama, The Persian Gulf War, Afghanistan and the War In Iraq — Way to go, guys.
