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“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!

Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.

For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

The election is finally over and the Republicans won by a MUDslide. Now the Republicans are in charge and we all remember how well that worked out last time.

The Republicans have control of the Senate as well as the House. It looks like the Democrats have gone from “Lame Duck” to “Dead Duck.”

The GOP “swept” control of the Senate gaining another seven seats. Or as MSNBC put it on election night, “Too close to call.”

Republicans haven’t gotten this many seats since CHRIS CHRISTIE made an airline reservation.

MITCH McCONNELL will become the new Senate Majority Leader and he’s so excited about his new power he had to be reminded of its limitations. He will NOT be able to replace the POPE with PAT ROBERTSON.

Republican, MIA LOVE, became Utah’s first black woman to be elected to Congress. In other words, Utah finally got a black person to live in the state and the first thing they do is send her off to Washington.

For the first time in history, 100 women have seats in Congress. This is also the first time, in the congressional bathroom, those seats are all going to the be DOWN.

GOV. RICK SCOTT was reelected keeping Florida solid Red. It looks like, if the state ever is Blue it’ll be because they have to call for the paramedics.

The OLIVE GARDEN must have a death wish. As a reward for his tireless campaigning they sent CHRIS CHRISTIE one of their “Never Ending Pasta Passes.”

The Mexican Border Patrol reported an unusually large number of people jumping over the wall. Democrats will do anything they can to get out of the country.

Last week daredevil NIK WALLENDA completed a tightrope walk of 500 feet between two Chicago skyscrapers. This week he will attempt something even more dangerous. A walk through Chicago on the ground.

WALLENDA said he didn’t do it to set a record. He did it because that’s the safest way these days to walk through Chicago.

Last week we celebrated “National Healthy Eating Day.” But we also had “National Doughnut Day” so they canceled each other out.

GODZILLA turned 60. In the next movie, GODZILLA will battle his newest enemy – an enlarged prostate.

Factoid: — June 23rd was the longest day of the year, that is if you don’t count “The Country Music Awards.”

Members of the “Danish National Chamber Orchestra” released a video of themselves performing while eating the world’s hottest chili peppers. Not to be outdone, the “Red Hot Chili Peppers” released a video of themselves eating a Danish.

Washington D.C. voted to legalize recreational marijuana. If you think Congress didn’t pass anything this year, with a case of the “Munchies,” they won’t even be able to pass a “Snack Vending Machine.”

VETERANS DAY — November 11th (formally “Armistice Day”):

It was the day hostilities ceased between the Allies and the Central Powers on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, thus ending World War One. It was hailed as “The War To End All Wars.” Since then we’ve had World War Two,(the big one that was in all the papers) the Korean War, VietNam, Grenada, Panama, the Persian Gulf, the Iraq War and the War in Afghanistan. WAY TO GO, GUYS!