“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
A man scaled the White House fence and ran across the lawn to the front door. Officials are wondering why it’s so easy to get in. PRESIDENT OBAMA is wondering why it’s so hard to get out.
This guy hopped the fence and almost got inside the White House. After hearing this, Republicans are getting ready to nominate him.
Attorney General ERIC HOLDER announced he is resigning after five years with the administration. OBAMA is STILL wondering why it’s so hard for HIM to get out.
ISIS has taken over some Iraqi oil fields and our planes are bombing them, dividing Iraq into two sections; “Smoking” and “Non-Smoking.”
In an interview, KIM CATTRALL said there could be another “Sex in the City” movie . When they heard this, ISIS said, “First bombings and rockets, now this? How much are we supposed to take?”
PRESIDENT OBAMA is being criticized for saluting two Marines with a cup of coffee in his hand. Republicans were outraged. Starbucks just came out with the new, “A Few Good Men Frappucino.”
NFL Commissioner ROGER GOODELL finally held a press conference. It showed that the situation in football has gotten so bad, the Redskins want to keep their name but change the commissioner’s.
BILL CLINTON recently turned 67 years old and was asked what he had on his “Bucket List.” He responded with, “Riding wild horses in Mongolia and climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.” He then thought it over and said, “I’m changing the “B” to an “S” and hoping for the best!”
London, England was named the world’s most expensive city. A loaf of bread in London costs $8. QUEEN ELIZABETH was just about to say, “Let them eat cake,” when she remembered why Queens don’t say that.
It’s so expensive to live in London. To make a little extra cash, PRINCE CHARLES’ ears are going condo.
Things are so expensive, they’re trying to marry off PRINCE HARRY to a KARDASHIAN, just for the dowry.
KRIS KARDASHIAN JENNER officially filed for divorce from husband BRUCE JENNER. Grounds? “Irreconcilable egos.”
When people heard of the divorce after 23 years of marriage, it raised a few eyebrows. Not BRUCE’S, of course, but a few.
BRUCE says he’s putting on a brave face. His plastic surgeons are working on it as we speak.
When I was young, BRUCE JENNER was the most famous Olympic athlete in the world. His face was on a box of Wheaties. Now his face isn’t even on his face anymore.
CONGRATULATIONS: CHELSEA is a new mom with a baby girl and HILLARY and former President BILL CLINTON are the happy grandparents. A lesson in irony: If HILLARY runs and is elected President in 2016, she could have a young girl crawling around the Oval Office on her hands and knees, just like BILL did.