“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Now that the Republicans have taken over the Senate, they’re going to repeal everything PRESIDENT OBAMA has done. They even told MICHELLE her vegetable garden must go and the kid’s dogs are history.
In his first speech as the new Senate Leader, MITCH McCONNELL, will thank his loved ones — the oil companies, the insurance lobbyists, the drug company CEOs…
Research shows that a new product derived from horse lineament can greatly relieve arthritis pain in humans. The horse remedy is so safe and effective that 86 year-old Fredia Einhorn of Boca Raton, Florida now jogs six furlongs every morning.
OBAMACARE (The Affordable Care Act) is one year old and is being called a great success. If it weren’t for this new medical bill, insurance companies would have been left to their own devices and THIS is probably what we’d have to contend with in 2015:
–Your annual breast exam would be done at “Hooters.”
–The only proctologist you’d be able to go to would be “Gus” from “Roto-Rooter.”
–Preventive care coverage would consist of “An Apple A Day.”
–The only expense covered 100% by your insurance company would be embalming.
–You’d have to see a schizophrenic doctor so you can get a second opinion on the spot.
–Your prescription would say “Viagra,” but you’d have to settle for a Popsicle stick and a roll of duct tape.
This year there will be over 30 bowl games between Christmas and the New Year. We all know the Rose Bowl and the Orange Bowl, but what about those little known, unpublicized Bowl games?
–“The Sweet ‘n Low Bowl” — For those on a diet and not allowed to watch the “Sugar Bowl.”
–“The Fiesta Chips Bowl” — Similar to the “Fiesta Bowl” only the losing team ends up covered with guacamole.”
–“The Tidy Bowl” — For teams who spent the entire season in the dumper.”
–The Polyester Bowl — A cheap, but long wearing imitation of the Cotton Bowl.
Another year flew by, but don’t worry you’re not really old until you get a letter from Forest Lawn marked “Urgent!”
You’re not really old until you wake up to discover your water bed broke. Then you realize you don’t have a water bed.
You start buying “Kaopectate In A Drum.”
You put your teeth in a glass and they laugh at you.
You bend over to tie your shoelace and you look around to see if there’s anything else you can do as long and you made it down there.
In case anyone is interested, I was able to get my new puppy HENRY paper trained. Unfortunately, he does it while I’m still reading it.