“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Millions of fans all over the world watched SUPER BOWL XLIX as 22 giant brutish men tackled, pummeled, kicked and broke each other’s bones, all for the possession of one tiny pigskin ball. How much would it cost to buy another ball?
If you wanted to go to the Super Bowl in Phoenix, it cost you double what they were getting last year. The average asking price was around $6,000 per. You can’t win! The balls are deflated while the tickets are inflated.
On eBay a group of four Super Bowl tickets were going for $51,000. Do these people know that the game is on television this year?
MITT ROMNEY announced he would not seek the 2016 Presidential nomination. This all started when a Superior Court judge, after much deliberation, declared MR ROMNEY “Legally Bland.” — This opened the door for other hopefuls.
…like RICK PERRY who, as Gov. of Texas declared it immoral to clone human beings — unless, of course, they were major campaign contributors.
…like New Jersey Gov. CHRIS CHRISTIE, who threw his hat as well as his knife and fork into the ring, even though he still has scandal problems with that George Washington Bridge closing. He figures if Men’s Olympic Decathlon winner BRUCE JENNER can become a woman anything is possible.
…like JEB BUSH, GEORGE W’S brother, who gave him some sage advice. “Even though the election is two years away, it’s never to early to demand a recount.”
…OR like little known retired Neuro-surgeon BEN CARSON, who has a big identity problem. He doesn’t know if he’s a Tea Party ultra-conservative, a pseudo-Republican from Wall Street or a backup singer for JANET JACKSON.
This week the “Apple iPad” turned five years old. So it’s official. The iPad is as old as the people who make it.
To show his feeling about the environment, GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE just made out his will. In it he asked to be cremated and his ashes used to plug the hole in the Ozone Layer.
GEORGE HAMILTON also made out his will. It states that he’ll leave all his money to charity, and his tan to JOHN BEOHNER.
Freezing weather continues. In New York City it was so cold, it was like being at a lunch meeting with MAYOR DE BLASIO and the NYPD.
–It was so cold hookers on Times Square are working from home.
–That thing on DONALD TRUMP’S head went into hibernation.
The entire East Coast had a record frost. It was so cold in Massachusetts Turner Classic Movie Channel was showing “Cleopatra” and ELIZABETH TAYLOR froze her “Asp” off.
A major snowstorm hit Boston. Nothing moved. It was a lot like Congress.
It was so cold in Washington D.C., Senator LINDSEY GRAHAM’S red neck turned blue.
In New Jersey, instead of “pasties” topless dancers were wearing BRA-muffs.
To take advantage of the cold snap, Paramount Pictures re-released an old SANDRA DEE movie — “Gidget Goes Frigid.”
