Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Congratulations to the Chicago Cubs, who won their first World Series in 108 years. That’s so long ago the 2016 election was just starting.
It was a storybook extra-innings World Series classic. Five hours of grown men chewing and spitting. Between the rain delay and the gallons of saliva, Cubs manager, JOE MADDON, went out to the pitcher’s mound wearing a life jacket.
Two close associates of CHRIS CHRISTIE were convicted of “Bridgegate.” The Governor said he didn’t know about it, even though they have breakfast together every morning. What do they talk about, the weather? CHRISTIE could be telling the truth. When he digs into a pile of pancakes with bacon and syrup, he could have missed it. When his mouth takes over his ears stop working..
Another big story is that Cubs team president THEO EPSTEIN has now ended World Series droughts for both the Chicago Cubs and the Boston Red Sox. Now, he’s going to take on his toughest job yet, finding a job for CHRIS CHRISTIE.
The FBI found emails while investigating illicit messages sent to an underage girl by CLINTON aide Huma ABEDIN’S estranged husband ANTHONY WEINER, and a more es-STRANGE guy you’ll never find. Apparently, they found them while searching WEINER’S laptop. I hope they used gloves.
HILLARY was riding high in the polls in the wake of sexual assault accusations against TRUMP. Now this. Truly, for the CLINTON campaign the proverb holds true. “Horny men giveth, and horny men taketh away.”
We just learned that the F.B.I.is so for TRUMP, insiders call it “Trumpland.” So that’s why they are trying to hurt HILLARY’S campaign, which has a lot of people upset. Especially Russia. VLADIMIR PUTIN was overheard saying, “What they doing? That MY jobsky!”
DONALD TRUMP lied to supporters when he said that HILLARY CLINTON wants to bring 650 million immigrants (MILLION???) from Syria and Iraq into the United States within one week of taking office. Whereas if he becomes President, Canada gets 150 million immigrants from the U.S.
TRUMP has the lead among Florida voters. Of course, he still faces a major obstacle; making sure those voters are still alive on election day.
In Boca Raton, Florida, there are still a lot of undecided voters. Their quandary is; should I vote for TRUMP, should I vote for HILLARY or should I go to the toilet.
HILLARY is trying to win Florida, but turning it from a red state to blue would be historic. If she did, it would be the first time something turned blue in Florida and they didn’t call the paramedics.
Everyone was being encouraged to vote early. Most Republicans were opposed. They believe that voting starts at conception.
I took their advice and voted early. I don’t want to say the election is dirty, but I pulled the lever and it flushed.
Well, finally, This Tuesday, Nov. 8TH, is Election Day. Imagine what an amazing place America would be if we put as much time and effort and thought as we do into our Halloween costumes — into voting for President.
Good luck America!
VETERANS DAY: Nov. 11th Originally called “Armistice Day.” It was when hostilities ceased between the Allies and the Central Powers on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918, thus ending World War One. It was hailed as “The War To End All Wars.”
Since then we’ve had World War Two – The Korean War – Vietnam – Grenada – Panama – The Persian Gulf – The war in Iraq and Afghanistan, which we’re still fighting. Way to go guys!