Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
HILLARY CLINTON called half of TRUMP supporters a “Basket Of Deplorables.” If you’re keeping score. According to HILLARY, TRUMP supporters are dePLORABLE, and as far as TRUMP is concerned, HILLARY supporters are dePORTABLE.
According to a new poll, neither HILLARY nor TRUMP is currently projected to have the necessary 270 Electoral College votes to clinch the election. So you know what that means. They’ll both appear on “Dancing With The Stars” for a dance off.
Hillary Clinton left the Ground Zero memorial service last Sunday because she felt overheated. Said TRUMP, “Hey, if anyone’s too hot it’s my daughter Ivanka.”
HILLARY’S doctor announced on e-mail that she was suffering from pneumonia. Hackers immediately wanted to know, “Is she sick?” “No,” HILLARY told the Russian hackers. “I’m fund raising. I’m not sick, I got No Mon-ya.”
A fist fight broke out at a TRUMP rally last week. Or to be more accurate, a TRUMP rally broke out during a fistfight.
In the leaked emails from COLIN POWELL, the former Secretary of State calls DONALD TRUMP “A national disgrace.” TRUMP was furious and said, “National? Hey, I’m an international disgrace.”
TRUMP was upset by POWELL’S remarks. Simmer down, DONALD! At your age it’s only natural that you have some trouble with a Colon.
TRUMP decided to clear the air and reveal the results of a recent physical on “The Dr. Oz Show.” Not to be outdone, HILLARY is going to be cleared of all email charges by “Judge Judy.”
Protesters interrupted “Dancing With the Stars” to protest swimmer, RYAN LOCHTE, but were immediately pounced upon by security. That tackle was the closest ABC will get to having Monday night football back on the network.
I understand that the protester wants to see LOCHTE punished. I don’t think this guy realizes, being on “Dancing With the Stars” IS his punishment.
During the RAMS vs. 49ERs NFL game, the fan who ran onto the field had, sad to say, more rushing yards than the entire Rams offense. The guy was arrested, so now that we know he can run and has a criminal record, he’s perfect to be a player in the NFL.
A man is getting bar mitzvah’d at age 113. They’re hoping the attendance is better than last year when he got circumcised.