“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
PRESIDENT OBAMA is trying to work out a nuclear deal with Iran, and the Republicans are against it. They got together and sent Iran a letter about the nuclear deal. They said if this doesn’t work they’re going to send SETH ROGEN and JAMES FRANCO.
The AYATOLLAH in Iran says he believes he got the letter, but he thinks he accidentally threw it out with his “Pottery Barn” catalog.
Republicans running for President have been meeting with voters in what they call “backyard chats.” These politicians should all talk to people in their backyards. Then you could take what they say and spread it on the lawn.
HILLARY CLINTON’S e-mails, when she was Secretary of State, are being challenged and they want to check out her “Hard Drive.” Isn’t that what they wanted to do with BILL’s hard drive when he was President?
Last week was not only the beginning of Daylight Saving Time, but also International Women’s Day. One woman really hurt herself. She got a hernia trying to reset her biological clock.
The new “Apple Watch” is out and they say it’s a real wonder. It not only gets your email and you can send texts with it, but it gives you your blood pressure, your heartbeat, it has a corkscrew, a nail clipper, a tooth pick, a scissors and if you try real hard you can find out what time it is.
This week we have two holidays. March 15th, better known as “The Ides Of March,” is the day in 44BC when JULIUS CAESAR met his end. He was stabbed in the back by members of the Senate. Ironically, CAESAR was also trying to negotiate something. A date with Cleopatra.
It was also on that date the CAESAR SALAD was conceived. 44BC — Before Croutons.
March 17th is “St. Patrick’s Day.” A day when Irish people all over the world commemorate their Patron Saint’s driving all the snakes out of Ireland. Republicans are now working on declaring March 18th as “St. Obama’s Day.” They want to honor the President for driving all the Democrats out of Washington.
Yes, March 17th is “The Wearin’ Of The Green” and a month later the Internal Revenue Service celebrates the “Sharin’ Of The Green.”
Hollywood was so filled with the Irish spirit, even weeks ago at the Oscars, starlets were seen on the Red Carpet going “Erin Go Braugh-less.”
March 21st is the first day of spring. It’s a day when GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE comes out of his house, sees his shadow and immediately calls his doctor to find out why his “Lap-band” surgery isn’t working.
It’s a day when birds return to Los Angeles and we once again hear the sweet sounds of a robin hacking and coughing.
It’s the day when GEORGE HAMILTON takes the anti-freeze out of his sun tan lotion.
It’s once again, “Spring Break!” A time when thousands of students head for the beaches and resorts to drink, do drugs and have sex. Then it’s back to school to the same old grind – to drink, do drugs and have sex.
It’s the only time in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida when condoms out sell “Depends.”