Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
CARLY FIORINA was announced as TED CRUZ’S running mate. In her acceptance speech FIORINA said, “It’s always been my lifelong dream to lose TWICE in the same election.”
This means FIORINA is now just a heartbeat away from NEVER becoming President.
BERNIE SANDERS said it’s a great idea to have a woman as Vice President. To which JOHN McCAIN said, “It is?!”
Both HILLARY CLINTON and DONALD TRUMP swept this week’s primaries in Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. While JOHN KASICH did very well in the state of Denial.
DONALD TRUMP appears to be the likely Republican nominee. In a related story, Canada is getting ready to build, and pay for, its own wall to keep out the millions a Americans who will be heading to crash on their couches should TRUMP get elected.
According to a new poll, 50 percent of Republicans say they could support DONALD TRUMP. The other 50 percent are a group that call themselves “Women.”
DONALD said, “If I lose, I don’t think you’ll ever see me again.” Finally, a TRUMP campaign promise we can all get behind.
A man in Massachusetts is converting his funeral home into an ice cream parlor and fast food restaurant. He’s going to call it “Jump In The Box.”
His slogan will be, “A taste to die for.” – “Hey, that’s our slogan,” said Chipotle.
“McDonald’s” has made several changes to stop falling business: breakfast all day, a lower priced menu, specially priced combo-meals and even RONALD McDONALD received a makeover which included a new vest and bow tie. Not to be outdone, after the operation “Burger King” will be known as “Burger Queen.”
For the 5TH straight year The L.A.CLIPPERS made an early exit of the postseason playoffs. Things are so bad in Los Angeles, they got rid of their cheerleaders and now are using “grief counselors.”
On April 22nd we celebrated Earth Day. It’s the one day of the year we tell the Earth how much we love it. The other 364 days we try to kill it.
Everyone celebrates Earth Day in their own way. Instead of taking Viagra I used “Miracle Gro,” and I’ve been mulching all week.
This week, MAY 5TH, we celebrate CINCO DE MAYO. It’s a national holiday in Mexico recognizing the victory in 1852 of Mexican troops over the invading French forces of Napoleon the Third… saving Mexico from foreign tyranny, enslavement and the dreaded “Escargot Burrito.”
Last week we celebrated “Bring Your Kids to Work Day.” It sounded like a great idea until we remembered how badly it turned out when GEORGE H.W. tried it with GEORGE W.