Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
What a week. HILLARY and TRUMP won big in New York. BERNIE was in Florida and won at Bingo. So everybody wins.
There’s a lot of talk about DONALD TRUMP not getting enough delegates and the nomination having to be made at the Republican Convention. The meeting in Cleveland should be spectacular. Delegates putting on funny hats, marching around in silly costumes and making fools of themselves for 4 days. Just so DONALD TRUMP can’t make a fool of himself for 4 years.
One of the last Democratic primaries will be held in the state of Montana. HILLARY is expecting to win with the support of Montana’s black voters. Unfortunately, they both moved to Idaho.
A lot of people are commenting that DONALD TRUMP is looking extremely tan lately. In fact, if TRUMP gets any darker he’s not going to vote for himself.
PRINCE dies at 57. The iconic musical genius was found dead in Paisley Park. PRINCE knew he was a star even as a child. Other 5-year olds had imaginary friends. He had an imaginary entourage.
MICHAEL JACKSON, WHITNEY HOUSTON, DAVID BOWIE and now PRINCE. There’s a damn good concert going on upstairs in heaven.
Speaking of the passing of a great musical performers. If MAMA CASS ELLIOT had shared her sandwich with KAREN CARPENTER they’d BOTH be alive today.
AC/DC has a new lead singer, AXEL ROSE, replacing BRIAN JOHNSON. At 54-years-old, he will be the youngest member of the group. When MICK JAGGER heard his age he said, “54-years-old? I’ve got bread in the freezer that old.”
HARRIET TUBMAN is replacing ANDREW JACKSON on the $20 bill. A woman on the bill. With the wage gap, does that mean now the 20 will only be worth 17 dollars?
QUEEN ELIZABETH celebrated her 90th birthday this week by hosting a grand party with the upper set. She would have also included the lower set, but it didn’t get back from the dentist on time.
To show how much the world has changed, the QUEEN sent out a thank-you message via Twitter. But also how things remain the same. She then went out on the balcony at Buckingham Palace, waved to the crowd, gave the finger to FERGIE and called it a day.
WHERE ELSE BUT IN A FREE AMERICA –A South Carolina man was charged with having sex with a horse…again. I guess if you must have sex with an animal a horse is your best bet. At least you get a ride home.
SARAN WRAP is 63 years old. It’s actually 65 years old, but it took 2 years to get the roll started.
In Mississippi, what stays around for 8 months, turns yellow and brown and falls off in October? — “Underwear!”
MARTHA STEWART, RACHAEL RAY, BOBBY FLAY and every other TV chef is writing their book about food. Here are a few of our favorite “Books About Food.”
–“Ketchup In The Rye”
–“To Grill a Mockingbird”
–“The Burritos of Madison County”
–“Lord of the Onion Rings”
–“50 Shades of Gravy”
…and the ever popular
–“Harry Potter Roast”