“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Last week we had town hall meetings where undecided voters asked the candidates questions. So far TRUMP has taken two different sides on key topics like abortion, Planned Parenthood and nuclear weapons. I don’t know who I’m more worried about. The undecided voter or the undecided candidate.
DONALD TRUMP says that if he is president, he will punish women who have abortions, although he doesn’t yet know what that punishment would be. I say DONALD TRUMP being President is punishment enough.
TRUMP suggested that his campaign manager, COREY LEWANDOWSKI, who has been accused of harshly grabbing a reporter at a rally, could have just been keeping her from falling down. Sure, and BILL COSBY was just helping those ladies get a good night’s sleep.
Conservative pundit GLENN BECK said that TED CRUZ was ‘anointed’ by God to become President. To which God replied, “No, no, no, I didn’t say ‘anointed,’ I said he was ‘annoying.'”
TED CRUZ is being accused of having affairs with five different women. And five different women are being accused of having terrible taste in men.
DONALD TRUMP became a grandfather for the eighth time. The baby is doing well and has already used its building blocks to build a wall between him and his nanny.
DONALD hasn’t tweeted about his new grandson. He’s waiting to see the birth certificate.
The ROLLING STONES performed in Cuba. Cuban fans said they were excited to see a rock band that’s older than our cars.
Keeping in the musical vein: JERRY LEE LEWIS will be 81. If you’re thinking of sending him a gift, you can’t go wrong with a blowtorch. To re-light his “Great Balls Of Fire.”
New York and New Jersey officials have agreed to reconstruct the N.Y. Port Authority Bus Terminal at an estimated cost of $10 to $15 billion. And that’s just to clean the bathrooms.
Because of the “Internet,” newspapers and magazines are having a difficult time. During the last five years more than ten print magazines have shut down. Those still printing should think of merging just to keep afloat:
“Audubon” and “Psychology Today” could get together to form a new magazine called, “Birdbrain.”
“Playboy” and “New York” magazine could join forces and become “Naked City.”
And “Bon Appétit” and “Hustler” could get together and would be on the newsstands under the name, “Eat Some Of This.”