“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
During their speeches at AIPAC –“American Israel Public Affairs Committee” — this week, DONALD TRUMP said he’s so Pro-Israel his daughter is even going to give birth to a Jewish baby. Not to be outdone, TED CRUZ said he’s so pro-Israel, if he’s elected President he’s going to get circumcised.
TRUMP won Tuesday’s Arizona Republican primary, but voters had to wait as long as five hours and they were furious. They said, “That’s time I could have spent deporting my gardener.”
DONALD didn’t do to well in Utah. Utah is Mormon country and it’s not particularly friendly territory for him because most of the voters there are sober.
According to a new poll that just came out, a majority of TRUMP voters believe that white people are losing out to minorities. The poll was taken at an NBA game.
At a BERNIE SANDERS rally, a woman took off her top and revealed anti-TRUMP messages. Even BERNIE admitted she had a couple of good points.
This week PRESIDENT OBAMA arrived in Cuba, a formerly hostile territory. Next week he returns to Washington, a currently hostile territory.
When PRESIDENT OBAMA arrived in Cuba a band played both the American and Cuban national anthems. Not to greet our President. It was DESI ARNAZ’S birthday.
The PRESIDENT gave a televised address to the Cubans and thousands of citizens eagerly gathered around Cuba’s television set.
SARAH PALIN just signed a deal to act as a judge on a new “Judge Judy” type reality courtroom TV show. SARAH said she just wants to get a little legal experience before TRUMP nominates her to the Supreme Court.
It’s the perfect show for SARAH. She knows how to deal with drunks, deadbeat dads, and barroom brawlers; and that’s just in her family.
In Florida, an Anheuser-Busch truck collided with a Frito-Lay truck, spilling beer and chips all over the highway. In Florida they call that “Spring break.”
In Malibu, coincidentally, a soap delivery truck collided with a tree, spilling detergent all over the beach. Now as the tide is coming in, the “Tide” is going out.
Spring Break! When thousands of students head for beaches and resorts to drink, do drugs and have sex. Then it’s back to school and the same old grind — drink, do drugs and have sex.
STARBUCKS announced this week that they are introducing a new “Caramelized Honey Frappuccino” to their menu. And then dentists all over the country called their wives to tell them the cruise is on.
MEDICAL UPDATE: So much more money is being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer’s research that by the year 2030 people will be walking around with huge breasts and erections – and won’t remember what to do with them.