“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
DONALD TRUMP won handily on the second of our “Super Tuesday’s” Republican primaries. He won in Florida, Illinois, and North Carolina and did especially well with white males, Caucasian men, and non-women of no color.
GOV. JOHN KASICH won over TRUMP in his home state of Ohio. It was close, but DONALD just couldn’t hold on. Must have been because of his tiny baby hands.
MARCO RUBIO pulled out of the race after losing the Florida primary to TRUMP. Nothing symbolizes America more than the son of poor immigrants growing up to run for president and being crushed by a billionaire.
MARCO suspended his presidential campaign after spending the weekend in prayer and realizing he didn’t have one.
TED CRUZ says he still has a chance. He says people walk up to him all the time and beg him to stay in the presidential race. I believe these people are known as Democrats.
HILLARY CLINTON went five for five in the Democratic primaries. It was a disappointing night for BERNIE SANDERS. HILLARY beat him in Florida and if a 74-year-old Jewish man can’t win in Florida, what’s left?
The candidates are hitting the TV airwaves. HILLARY CLINTON appeared in an episode of the Comedy Central show “Broad City.” BERNIE SANDERS was actually appraised on “Antiques Roadshow.” And MARCO RUBIO’S show, although NOT of choice, was “Mission: Impossible.”
At a rally over the weekend, DONALD TRUMP was surrounded by Secret Service agents after a man tried to rush the stage. The Secret Service said the man was dangerous and disturbed, but they had to protect him anyway.
Now if we can get Mexico to build a wall around DONALD TRUMP — and I’ll pay for it.
PRESIDENT OBAMA announced he is nominating Washington, D.C. Circuit Court Judge, MERRICK GARLAND, to the Supreme Court. First no “Hall of Fame” now this. PETE ROSE can’t get a break anywhere.
Last weekend was Daylight Savings Time and we all lost an hour of our lives. Plus, I watched the Republican debate so I actually lost THREE HOURS of my life.
“March Madness” began this week. “March Madness” isn’t that big a deal for KANYE WEST. Maybe it’s because he’s had March madness, April madness, May madness and it goes right to the end of the year.
KANYE can watch his wife KIM nurse the baby as he looks at her nude magazine photos and tell everyone; “Forget the “Final Four.” I’ve got the “Fabulous Two.”
For the college players making it to the Final Four, it’s a once in the lifetime experience. Just like them making it to class.
June 20th is the “First Day of Spring.” It’s when young man’s fancy turns to what BILL CLINTON has been thinking about all winter.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY: MAR. 22nd…STEPHEN SONDHEIM, 86, One of our nation’s most cherished composers and lyricists, who has written such classic Broadway musicals as “West Side Story” and “Gypsy.” His most popular song from “A Little Night Music” was “Send in the Clowns” — Which, incidentally, was the theme song of this year’s Congress.