“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Blustery snow and cold weather hit the East Coast this weekend. They should have known it was going to be this bad. When the groundhog came out last year and said, “To hell with my shadow, in 2016 I’m going to Miami Beach.”
It was so cold in New York City, the Statue of Liberty was using Chapstick, and holding her torch UNDER her dress.
In Washington D.C. it was so cold, conservative TED CRUZ had to wrap himself in TWO American flags.
The last time they saw this much white stuff in D.C. MARION BARRY was Mayor.
In fact, with all this snow and freezing weather GENERAL ELECTRIC just came out with a “Crock Pot” that not only cooks your dinner, but sleeps four.
SARAH PALIN appeared in Iowa to endorse DONALD TRUMP. When he heard, JOHN McCAIN said, “Well, now DONALD’S all set. What could go wrong?”
SARAH was brought in to lure Christian Fundamentalists to TRUMP’S campaign. Now all he needs are endorsements from a major coffee firm and a giant tire company so he can truthfully say, “I’ve got BRIM and FIRESTONE.”
PALIN looked very comfortable on the podium standing next to TRUMP. It was kind of like being at home in Alaska. She looked out at the audience and there was nothing but white as far as the eye could see.
Critics called SARAH PALIN’S endorsement speech of TRUMP “bizarre,” “meandering,” and “mystifying.” In other words, she’s still got it.
During her speech we learned that TRUMP like PALIN wants less government interference in our lives except, of course, for abortion, flag burning, immigration, library censorship and the stringing up of environmentalists.
If TRUMP is elected, SARAH will probably be part of his administration. Which means, the “West Wing” goes directly to the RIGHT wing.
While speaking at an evangelical university, DONALD TRUMP misquoted the Bible, saying “two Corinthians” instead of “Second Corinthians.” And, several times, instead of saying “Praise God” he said, “Praise myself.”
During last Sunday’s Democratic debate, BERNIE SANDERS got the most speaking time as well as the loudest speaking volume. BERNIE sounds like my aunt, when she was talking on the telephone, long distance.
The Republican debate in South Carolina went on about half-hour longer than expected. Which isn’t bad considering DONALD TRUMP’S campaign has gone on half a YEAR longer than expected.
Happy birthday to DOLLY PARTON, who turned 70. I’m sorry, that should be 70-24-36.