“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
The Powerball jackpot was finally won and will be split three ways. The 1.568 billion dollar jackpot is a lot like shopping for three days’ worth of groceries at “Whole Foods.”
The odds of winning the Powerball jackpot was 290 million to 1. That’s also how many relatives the winners can expect to hear from.
The Playboy Mansion is up for sale for $200 million. That’s also like shopping at “Whole Foods,” only with a chance of seeing bigger and better melons.
It was so cold on the Golden Globes red carpet. All those actresses in their flimsy low cut gowns had to get their golden globes defrosted.
Mexican fugitive drug lord, EL CHAPO is back in the same prison he escaped from six months ago. But this time they revoked his tunnel privileges.
They could have stopped his escape the first time. All they had to do was get GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE to do to his tunnel what he did to the George Washington Bridge.
The plan is, they’re hoping to extradite the drug kingpin to the United States so he can be tried by a jury of his customers.
The nominations for the “Academy Awards” came out. All the acting nominees are white. It looks like a “Tea Party” convention.
You know it’s bad when there are more black people running for President than there are for an Academy Award.
SO YOU WANT TO RUN AGAINST DONALD TRUMP
It looks like TRUMP is headed for nomination as a candidate of the GOP. Answer 4 out of 5 correctly in the following test to see if you would have been better suited to beat DONALD at his own game.
On a lazy Sunday afternoon I most enjoy…
b. Going to a museum.
c. Just lounging around the house.
d. Deporting people.
I think people who are here illegally look best in…
a. Formal attire.
b. Bathing suits.
c. Bermuda shorts.
d. Prison uniforms.
The proper manner to respond to a chance meeting with me is by…
b. Saying hello.
c. Giving me a little kiss.
When someone disagrees with me my first instinct is to…
a. Try to understand their point of view.
b. Discuss it calmly and rationally.
d. Have them executed.
My greatest fear is…
a. Meeting new people.
c. The dark.
d. A coup d’etat.