“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
A protester had to be escorted out of a DONALD TRUMP rally for yelling “Trump’s a racist.” The protester was removed because the TRUMP campaign has the word “Racist” copyrighted.
TRUMP is once again leading in the polls. So much so he’s started working on his nomination speech, but more important, he’s watching reruns of every episode of “West Wing.”
BERNIE SANDERS has been trying to clarify his identity as a “Democratic socialist.” I’ll tell you exactly what a “Democratic Socialist” means. “Democratic” means he believes everyone should have an equal say. “Socialist” means he won’t get elected.
BOBBY JINDAL is the third Republican to drop out of the race for President. It seems he had an identity problem. People recognized him.
JEB BUSH is also having problems. He’s dropping so low in the polls, if he loses 3 more points he goes directly to “Dancing with the Stars.”
Marriott reached a $12 billion deal to buy Starwood Hotels and Resorts, which now makes Marriott the world’s biggest hotel chain. The deal actually cost $9 billion, but when they celebrated with one of those tiny bottles of champagne they got from the mini bar, that jacked it up to $12 billion.
Florida police arrested a woman last weekend after she assaulted her husband during an argument over which sex position is best. He argued for the Missionary Position; “woman on bottom, man on top.” She was all for the , Disgruntled Wife Position. “Man on bottom, dirt on top.”
There is a new Barbie doll called “Hello Barbie.” It’s high-tech and can speak more than 8,000 phrases. In order for it to work you have to speak right into her breasts, which for over 60 years women have been telling me not to do that.
DAVID BECKHAM was named this year’s People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” Not to be outdone, DONALD TRUMP was named “Sexist Man Alive.”
To honor the occasion BECKHAM had “The Gap” make him special leather pants with an asbestos lining – in case his Testosterone flares up.
Radio Shack announced they will be celebrating “Black Friday” on Wednesday. I guess Radio Shack is worried they won’t be around by Friday.
A pair of zebras got loose in downtown Philadelphia after escaping from a nearby circus. They were captured almost immediately by Eagles fans who mistook them for referees.
A lot of people who had never seen a zebra were wondering why those horses were running around town in their pajamas.
This week we celebrate Thanksgiving and as he does every Thanksgiving, PRESIDENT OBAMA will pardon two turkeys. In their cells, as they do every year, hundreds of thousands of prisoners serving time on marijuana charges will be heard yelling out, “Gobble-gobble! Gobble-gobble!”