“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!

Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.

For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

U.S. cities are beefing up security after Friday’s shocking Paris terrorist attacks. Everyone is edgy. In New York a Cab driver was arrested when a passenger saw him carrying a concealed middle finger.

In Washington D.C. a device that was initially thought to be a pipe bomb turned out to be a vibrating sex toy. Fortunately disaster was averted when several brave women threw themselves on top of it — It took 3 hours to get the ladies OFF the device.

At the Los Angeles airport, pat downs have become so thorough, I was scheduled for a colonoscopy but instead my doctor is sending me to LAX.

At the Detroit airport, a security agent was so dedicated to his work, after patting down BEYONCE, the TSA guy was seen in the men’s room frisking himself.

The Republicans had their fourth debate and the winner was anyone that didn’t watch it.

They’re apparently going to keep having these debates until somebody recognizes JEB BUSH on the street.

JEB needed a big win on this debate, but he really disappeared. He finished seventh of eight in total talking time. He was the least Googled candidate in the debate. The only person who Googled JEB was his mother, BARBARA. Even she forgot who he was.

According to several online polls, DONALD TRUMP was the winner of this last Presidential debate and he’s started to attract a very unsavory element — Conservative Republicans.

TRUMP said when he becomes President he’s going to send 11 million illegal immigrants back to Mexico. Then we can all celebrate. The event will be held in an overgrown backyard with nobody to park the cars, and nobody to watch the kids.

DR. BEN CARSON is still the front-runner despite the fact that he said he’s tired of answering questions about his personal history. The last thing BEN CARSON needs is to be even more tired than he already appears to be.

His advisers said he prepared for the last debate by getting a lot more sleep. Apparently, he did it during the debate.

This week will be MICKEY MOUSE’S birthday. He made his debut on November 18th in 1928. He’s 87 years old. He’s gone from “It’s a small world” to “It’s an enlarged prostate.”

In 1941, Congress ruled that the fourth Thursday in November would officially be observed as Thanksgiving Day; thus making it the last time Congress actually accomplished anything.

You can tell Thanksgiving is getting closer. In fact, today, five turkeys from the United States showed up at the Moscow airport seeking asylum.

The traditional Thanksgiving began in 1621. And soon afterward, the Indians realized they had a failed immigration policy.

If you eat too much at the Thanksgiving dinner don’t feel guilty. It’s all predetermined. A new study found that overweight people are more likely to have children with weight problems. In other words, if you get your dad’s genes, you’re also going to get his sweatpants.