laughing cow

“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!

Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.

For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts,  too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

In one of his books, BEN CARSON admitted to falling asleep several times while driving his car. He started taking taxis to be safe, but his drivers kept falling asleep while listening to him talk.

A new national poll found that BEN CARSON is now ahead of DONALD TRUMP by six points in the Republican race. Go figure! JEB BUSH is doing badly because his campaign is being accused of “sleepwalking.” Meanwhile CARSON is proving that you can literally sleep your way to the top.

Congrats to the Kansas City Royals who beat the Mets to win their first World Series in 30 years. Since the Royals won they’ll get to meet PRESIDENT OBAMA. And since the Mets blew an early lead and lost, they’ll get to meet JEB BUSH.

We just celebrated the scariest holiday of the year. Not Halloween, I’m talking about Election Day. In Ohio they were voting on legalizing marijuana for recreational and medical use and 65 percent of the voters said NO. How could Ohio vote against marijuana? Why, even their name says it’s for them — “O-high-O.”

Pot advocates were so devastated, there was hardly a dry mouth in the house.

Daylight-saving time ended last weekend. Women all over the country were hurting themselves trying to turn back their biological clock.

I almost broke my face trying to turn back my five o’clock shadow.

A man from Kenya won the New York City Marathon. After running over 26 miles he was still in good shape. So much so, at the finish line he got his applause, took his trophy and ran back home to Kenya.

Kenyans might be the best at marathons but Americans are the best at “Real Housewives” marathons.

An Ashley Madison user is suing the adultery website for falsely advertising a higher number of women users than it actually had. If you can’t trust a website that helps you secretly cheat on your wife, who can you trust?

A new report suggests that CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS may have secretly been Jewish. What tipped historians off was a ship’s log entry where he described his journey to the New World as, “A real schlep.”

The sale of dog meat is legal in Korea. In downtown Seoul you can enjoy “101 Dalmatians” on a DVD, on Bluetooth or on a bun.

Speaking of buns. Customers in a coffee shop discovered a cinnamon bun shaped in the likeness of MOTHER THERESA. They knew it was authentic because it was next to a doughnut and it had healed the hole.

Not to be outdone, Jewish scholars discovered a prune Danish in the likeness of JACKIE MASON.

Roads and bridges all over the country are in great need of repair. Even New York’s famous Brooklyn Bridge is falling apart. So if you’re planning to commit suicide, please wear a hard hat.

A scrap of papyrus dating back to the 4th century makes a reference that JESUS had a wife. It’s not so much the date and what it was written on that made experts come to this conclusion. It was the message. — “On your way home from the Mount, bring home milk, eggs, butter and a seeded rye bread – sliced.”