“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
BERNIE SANDERS praised JOE BIDEN’S decision not to run. SANDERS said, “There’s only room for one goofy old dude.”
BIDEN’S reason for not running? He said, “the window is closed on a Presidential campaign.” For God’s sake. The election is 13 months away. There’s time to reopen the window. Break it if you can’t. And if you’re really serious you can go out, buy a new house and open all the windows.
The House Benghazi committee took its best swings at HILLARY CLINTON in a day-long, 11 hour hearing Thursday. We learned one Important thing. HILLARY has a bladder of steel.
She’d be the perfect Commander-In-Chief. When she got that phone call at 3 o’clock in the morning she WOULDN’T be in the john.
Well it looks like PAUL RYAN will be the new Speaker of the House. To prove to the “Freedom Caucus” he’s just as conservative as they are, he promised he’d reform welfare, change the health care legislation and do a tax overhaul. But he’s sorry, he will NOT, as they wanted, be able to replace the POPE with PAT ROBERTSON.
The “Freedom Caucus” is hoping to energize Republicans by announcing PAUL RYAN as their new Speaker. With his “Grandpa Munster hairdo” that’s like trying to spice up a bowl of oatmeal by adding MORE oatmeal.
DONALD TRUMP is now trying to appeal to Southerners. At a recent town hall meeting the audience looked at his hair and felt right at home. They thought he was offering them “Roadkill.”
While accepting the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, EDDIE MURPHY did a BILL COSBY impression. MURPHY’S COSBY impression was so accurate, nine women in the audience stood up and are suing him.
The University of Louisville is being accused of luring basketball recruits to the school with strippers and prostitutes. They say they’re just doing their job. College ball is supposed to prepare them for life in the NBA.
It’s Halloween time and according to statistics 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy. At the Playboy Mansion, HEF will be handing out not only Candy but Mandy and Sandy and won’t that be dandy.
It’s also World Series time which means the baseball season is almost over. For those of you, like me, who are addicted to the game and will miss seeing it on TV, here are some things to do until spring training rolls around.
–Hire VIN SCULLY to do a play-by-play account of your wife making a meat loaf.
–Pay your next door neighbor to stand in front of your TV set while chewing bubble gum and spitting and scratching his crotch. That way you’ll keep the ambiance of the game going.
–Finally, Take out your old record books and look up the day JOE DIMAGGIO made the greatest catch of all time — MARILYN MONROE.