“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
POPE FRANCIS arrived in the United States. He flew into Washington D.C. on “Lifelong Virgin” Airlines.
The POPE traveled from the airport, not in a big American Limousine, but he rode in a tiny unpretentious Italian Fiat. Looks like the Vatican is trying to tone down their “holier than thou” attitude.
The POPE is a very humble man who doesn’t believe in commercialism or consumerism. So how is he welcomed here in the United States? With “Pope Francis bobble heads,” – “Pope Francis dolls,” – “Pope Francis T-shirts” and for your morning shower they have a “Pope On A Rope.”
Catholic groups are condemning the crass commercialism evident during the POPE’S visit. The most criticism came when they renamed the restaurant chain, “The Taco Bells Of Saint Mary.”
During his visit to New York City POPE FRANCIS held a huge Mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral. What a sight. Thousands of worshipers turned out and gave the pontiff a kneeling ovation.
With a speech at the U.N., a tour through Central Park, the POPE had a hectic schedule, but he did get some rest. Much of it during the Mass at St. Patrick’s. That’s one thing about being POPE, nobody knows when you’re sleeping or when you’re praying.
The next night he held a Mass in Madison Square Garden where the POPE was greeted by a group representing the Little League. It was a pleasure to see so many young boys in front of the Catholic leader who weren’t holding subpoenas, restraining orders and incriminating photographs.
As a final gesture, and as long as he was in Madison Square Garden, the POPE administered the last rites on the KNICKS.
House Speaker JOHN BOEHNER, under intense pressure from conservatives in his party, announced he will resign. Washington insiders were not surprised. These are some tell-tale signs that he was on his way out. After the POPE’S appearance before congress, there was a celebration and BOEHNER was the “Pinata.”
Senate majority leader MITCH McCONNELL sent him a memo addressed to “Occupant.”
The Republican Committee gave away BOEHNER’s parking space to a dumpster. And the dumpster refused it.
BOEHNER has been suggesting that he wanted to spend more quality time with his Tanning Machine.
Disappointed supporters stood by as GOV. SCOTT WALKER announced his resignation from the Presidential race. He realized his campaign was in a little trouble when he saw his picture on the back of a milk carton.
GOV. PERRY and GOV. WALKER are both gone and the field of Republicans is narrowing — but not as much as RICK SANTORUM’S mind.
Republican candidate and neurosurgeon DR.CARSON was quoted as saying, “A Muslim should not be elected president.” Afterward he apologized and said, “So I made a mistake. Hey, I’m no brain surgeon.”
Even though TED CRUZ says the first thing he’d do if elected is get rid on “OBAMACARE,” he does admit that the nation’s health is in dire straits. Too many people suffer sleeplessness, anxiety, ulcers and nausea — and that’s just his campaign staff.
Volkswagen is having a big scandal. They were installing “secret devices” that helped them “cheat” on emissions tests and they got caught. I guess they missed the good old days when all they did was make cars for Hitler.
YOGI BERRA, Hall of Fame catcher and manager for the Yankees and Mets, passed away at 90. One of his classic quotes was, “It ain’t over ’till it’s over.” — R.I.P. YOGI. It’s over.