“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
What an amazing SUPER BOWL XLIX it was, and “Deflation” sure was the theme of the game. After one play The New England Patriots, who were winning, became “deflated.” Then the Seattle Seahawks, who were intercepted, were not only “deflated” but “defeated.” Then in keeping with the theme, quarterback TOM BRADY was named MVP, was given a new Chevy truck and now he has to worry that its tires are not “deflated.”
Seattle coach, PETE CARROLL is still getting flack for his pass call that lost the Seahawks the game. Luckily the next day was Groundhog Day which allowed him to consult with legendary PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL and ask, “How did YOU get out of YOUR hole so easily?”
According to statistics, SUPER BOWL XLIX was the best ever played. The TV ratings were the highest. No players got seriously hurt and only three cheerleaders flunked their Home Pregnancy Test.
Being Groundhog Day, PRESIDENT OBAMA came out of the White House, saw his shadow and said, “Oh, God, this means another six weeks of complaints about Obamacare.”
Also on “Groundhog Day,” GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE saw his shadow and immediately called his doctor and wanted to know why his Lap-Band surgery isn’t working.
MITT ROMNEY is not going to run for president. MITT said it’s time for fresh faces which is exactly what BRUCE JENNER has been saying.
House Speaker, JOHN BOEHNER, said the Republican Party will no longer stand in the way of gay marriage. He did this because he feels it promotes equality and non-discrimination in a society. It promotes family stability and validates family units. It fosters true freedom of religion. And also, BOEHNER wants to go to the ELTON JOHN Oscar party.
After 55 years HARPER LEE announced she will release a sequel to her classic, “To Kill a Mockingbird.” But I think it might be a little gimmicky. The new book is to be called, “Fifty Shades Of Atticus Finch.”
The marriage license for CHARLES MANSON and his 26-year-old bride has expired. There will be no marriage and no “conjugal visit.” It was a race between which would expire first, the license or MANSON’S 80 year-old “conjugals.”
I guess CHARLIE was thinking it over. If I were MANSON and a girl wanted to marry me, that’s a red flag.
Last month was the 200th anniversary of the death of the MARQUIS de SADE whose erotic works inspired the term sadism for sexual cruelty. In his honor Mattel has come out with the “Marquis de Sade” doll. You can find it at Toys R Us. It’s right under the “Betsy Wetsy” doll.
Although Girl Scout Cookie season will continue until March, SALLY ANN BENSON of Denver, Colorado has already sold $40,762 worth of the cookies. She set up her stand right outside a medical marijuana store.
Over 100 Native American tribes have expressed interest in growing marijuana. This is according Native American spokesman “Relaxing Eagle.”
From our Outrageous Joke Department: Last week was “National Weatherpersons Day.” To celebrate, the prognosticators were given a delicious Mexican luncheon where they served (what else) — “Chili today and hot tamale.”