“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
A massive oil spill from a ruptured pipe off the coast at Santa Barbara has oozed more than 21,000 gallons. There’s so much oil, they now have to change the ocean every 3500 waves.
There’s so much oil in the water, I saw a guy fishing with a dip stick.
Fish off the coast are so oil soaked. a guy pulled into a gas station in Goleta and said, “Give me a quart of 30-weight Halibut.
The spill has caused a flurry of activity off the coast at Refugio State Beach. Liberals are busy washing oil off endangered sea lions and conservatives are asking environmentally threatened brown pelicans, “Show me your papers.”
According to official estimates this spill will be one of California’s most costly disasters, immediately following the ’94 earthquake and MADONNA’S movie career.
HILLARY CLINTON is trying to win over millennials. She’s telling these young voters if all goes well, she too plans to move back into the home where she lived in the 1990s.
LINDSEY GRAHAM is now the seventh Republican running for President. That gives us one Republican candidate for every two Republican voters.
Former Texas Governor RICK PERRY agreed with JEB BUSH when he said, “Knowing what we know now, I would not have invaded Iraq.” Of course, more importantly, “What we know now” is that RICK PERRY will never be President.
KFC is bringing back COLONEL SANDERS, because if there’s one thing that will bring Americans together today, it’s an old guy dressed like a plantation owner.
A STARBUCKS employee has been fired after being caught on video yelling at a customer. I guess, being around all that caffeine all day will make anyone a little jittery.
MITT ROMNEY boxed former Heavyweight Champion of the World, EVANDER HOLYFIELD, for charity. It was a horrible moment for the champ when ROMNEY got him into a clinch and started talking about his grand children and there was HOLYFIELD wishing someone would bite off his other ear.
HOLYFIELD won the fight. Once again ROMNEY has been knocked out by a black guy.
VLADIMIR PUTIN reportedly scored eight goals during a hockey game in Sochi last weekend. The goalie did make one save — his own life.
DAVID LETTERMAN did his last show this week but he hopes to continue being in show business. There’s plans for a production of “The Sunshine Boys” with JAY LENO.
If that doesn’t work out DAVE will be playing CASSIE in the National company of “A Chorus Line.”
It’s MEMORIAL DAY and once again our eyes are glued on TV to watch the Indy 500 race. And what a grueling drive it is. 500 miles without one “Burger King.” Not one “McDonalds.” Not even a “Stuckys” pecan pie.
It’s also a family day. I always love to go on a family picnic with my Uncle Murray. He’s a true gourmet. He even knows what wine goes with ants.
But more importantly, MEMORIAL DAY is when we honor those who died in battle defending our great country. Let us all remember and thank these brave warriors.