“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Last Saturday, FLOYD MAYWEATHER beat MANNY PACQUIAO to keep his undefeated record. The fight had so much clinching. if those guys had been hugged that much as children, they wouldn’t have grown up to be boxers.
Back home in the Philippines, MANNY PACQUIAO is a congressman. I don’t care whether the fight was boring or not, I would have definitely paid a hundred bucks for Pay-per-view just to watch someone beat up my congressman.
Bad boy singer, CHRIS BROWN, was accused of assaulting a man in Las Vegas. Boxing fans who paid millions were happy to hear that at least SOMEBODY got punched in Las Vegas last week.
Former Baptist Minister, MIKE HUCKABEE, announced he will be a Republican candidate for President. He received such great support from his conservative audience that after the speech they gave him a kneeling ovation.
Republican party Presidential candidates who have announced they are running have been labeled nothing but “feckless politicians.” When he heard this, former PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH irately said, “That’s totally false! Republicans have as much ‘feck’ as Democrats.”
The DUKE and DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE announced their second child a baby girl will be named, CHARLOTTE ELIZABETH DIANA. It was secretly learned that their first choice was, LARRY CURLY and MOE, but the QUEEN put the kibosh on that.
The Royal baby was 8 pounds at birth. That’s about 12 in American dollars.
KIM KARDASHIAN was at a Barnes & Noble in New York autographing copies of a book of photographs that she’s taken of herself. KIM is the only person who can take a “Selfie” of her own back-side. You’ll find it on pages 5, 6 and half of 7. Next week the book goes on sale at “Bed, Bath and Behind.”
The NFL has found that “New England Patriots” employees deflated balls on purpose and by TOM BRADY knowing about it, it looks BAD for him. Now if we could get someone to let some of the air out of all those Presidential candidates, that would be GOOD for everybody.
Last week was the anniversary of OSAMA BIN LADEN’S death on May 2, 2011. When it was announced, MSNBC’s headline was, “President Obama saves the world.” The headline on Fox News was, “Obama kills fellow Muslim.”
At the time RUSH LIMBAUGH said PRESIDENT OBAMA never would have tracked down BIN LADEN if it weren’t for GEORGE W. BUSH’S policies. In all fairness, PRESIDENT OBAMA never would have even been elected PRESIDENT if it weren’t for GEORGE W. BUSH’S policies.
Sunday is “Mother’s Day.” A time to honor the mothers of America. Ah, my mom. No matter how successful I became, every week wherever I was, I’d send her a package — She’d wash it, iron it and send it right back to me.
If VINCENT VAN GOGH, who never sold a painting during his lifetime, were alive today and heard that one of his works of art sold at Sotheby’s last week for over 66 million dollars, he wouldn’t believe his ear.
As a public relations ploy, the PFIZER drug company is giving out free Viagra to men who are unemployed. I guess they want to prove, even though they’re out of work you can’t keep a good man down.
Viagra won’t help you find a job, but at least you’ll have something to do while you’re hanging around the house all day.