Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Republicans voted on and narrowly passed TRUMPCARE, the OBAMACARE replacement. Coming soon: The narrowly passing of Grandma, Grandpa and low-income patients.
PRESIDENT TRUMP spoke on the phone with VLADIMIR PUTIN this week. They talked about Syria. And they talked about the cottage they’re going to share in Martha’s Vineyard.
It was a pretty long call, although most of it was them saying, “No, you hang up. No, YOU hang up. No, nyet, you hang up.”
TRUMP said he still has a problem with Syria. He doesn’t know if you spell it with an “S” or a “C.”
They also agreed to work together on handling KIM JONG UN. You know a leader is unstable when TRUMP and PUTIN are the one’s who say, “We gotta keep an eye on that guy!”
PRESIDENT TRUMP also said he would be honored to meet the North Korean dictator. Why not? He’s TRUMP’S kind of guy. He’s crazy, he’s overweight, and he has a ridiculous haircut. They should get along great together!
TRUMP defended all the weekend trips he makes to his golf courses, saying he only goes there to hold meetings. Even guys who say they only read Playboy for the articles and go to Hooters for the wings were saying, “Yeah, sure, right.”
FBI Director, JAMES COMEY, said the thought that he helped DONALD TRUMP get elected President makes him feel “mildly nauseous.” All over the country voters are saying, “And how should we feel?”
HILLARY CLINTON said she’s very aware of the “shortfalls” of her campaign that caused her to lose the election. Specifically, Short Falls, Michigan, Short Falls, Pennsylvania and Short Falls, Wisconsin.
DONALD TRUMP suggested the U.S. needs a “good shutdown” to fix a deadlocked Congress. I don’t think he realizes that the government is not like your computer. You can’t fix it by turning it off and turning it back on again.
American Airlines announced they plan on cutting legroom in economy class. Not to be outdone, United Airlines announced they’ll be cutting legs.
Taco Bell just announced that it will be adding beer to the menu at certain restaurants in Canada. It’s their attempt to attract a very specific demographic — divorced dads with weekend custody.