“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
California may force Los Angeles to cut its water use by up to 35 percent. So it looks like we’re going to see a lot of brown lawns. But not to worry. Beverly Hills will be doing their watering with Evian.
This week was the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Kids searching for eggs, it was so refreshing. Usually when you see something rolling around on the White House lawn it’s a drunk Secret Service agent.
RAND PAUL announced he’s running for President. You might say he threw his HATE into the ring.
In making the announcement, PAUL made a stirring speech. You could tell it was stirring, five people in the audience stirred.
The GALLUP POLL asked which of the Presidential candidates so far are the most boring? 19 percent said HUCKABEE, 21 percent said CRUZ, 13 percent said BUSH, 12 percent said RAND PAUL and 35 percent fell asleep during the questioning. Including GALLUP.
The GOP is anxious for BEN CARSON to throw his hat in the ring. The voters like him because he’s a very private man. When he runs he’ll be the only candidate with an “Unlisted Charisma.”
JEB BUSH is facing criticism after it was revealed that he checked off his race as “Hispanic” on a voter registration form back in 2009. When asked if he regrets it now, BUSH said, “Si.”
Not to be outdone, HILLARY identified herself as “President.”
It’s been a rough season for the L.A. Lakers. COACH BYRON SCOTT said, “Most of my players would probably like to shoot me.” On the plus side, they would probably miss.
The NFL has hired its first full-time female referee. It should work out great. If there’s two things NFL players respect it’s authority and women.
New Jersey Governor CHRIS CHRISTIE appeared on a talk show called “Pasta and Politics.” It went so well that he’s agreed to go on NBC’s “Meet the Garlic Press,” ABC’s “This Wheat with George Stephanopoulos,” and CBS’s “Face The Noodles.”
Hall OF Famer, JOE TORRE, threw out the first pitch at the Yankee’s “Opening” game. I miss the good old days in New York when, forget about the first pitch, you went to Yankee Stadium to watch GEORGE STEINBRENNER throw out the first manager.
In honor of the 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War, a remastered KEN BURNS documentary, “The Civil War,” will be aired in September. But this time PBS isn’t taking any chances. In the version to be shown in Virginia the South will win.
To add authenticity, the show will not be in color. It will be shown in living Blue and Gray.
After a preview screening, the PRESIDENT OF ABC was so impressed by the documentary, he immediately made a phone call and freed the entire cast of ABC’S new series, “Black-ish.”
REMINDER: April 15th is income tax day. A day when taxpayers make their accounting for the previous year and pay their share of the cost of government. In other words, every time YOUR ship comes in, THEY unload it.
Just filled out my income tax form. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?
Between the Federal, State and City my income has been taxed so many times it has stretch marks.
I keep hearing TV food shows extolling the glories of being a Vegan, so I tried it. For a month I ate nothing but granola, sprouts, raw carrots, wheat germ, bran, oats and tofu. I now have so much fiber in me I’ve started passing wicker furniture.
Hey, those were pretty good! I should be checking in more often. I’m old enough to remember the old Dean Martin TV-friendly roasts, and they were usually funny, in spite of the restrictions on language and subject material.
Maybe it’s a nostalgia thing, but I’ve seen very few Comedy Central roasts that are half as funny….the Joan Rivers roast being one of the rare exceptions. I’m glad your father-in-law is still writing jokes. I guess it’s a job you can never really retire from.
I post these every Monday. Just click on the tag : ) I hope FIL saw your comment, he’d be so happy!
Agreed … everyone knew how to work a joke on those Dean Martin roasts ..