“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
PRESIDENT OBAMA and VLADIMIR PUTIN were both in China attending the same economic summit. OBAMA saw PUTIN and said, “After those midterm elections, it’s nice to finally see a friendly face.”
OBAMA and PUTIN were both in China at the same time. It was like running into your ex-wife on vacation.
People in China criticized PRESIDENT OBAMA for chewing gum while entering the economic summit in Beijing. Child labor, not a problem. Censorship, not a problem. Torture, not a problem. Chewing gum in China: Oh, my God! I guess they’re down on chewing gum since they had to do all that cleaning up in Tinananmin Square.
PRESIDENT OBAMA and Chinese PRESIDENT XI JINPING have agreed to reduce their greenhouse-gas emissions of soot, smog and dangerous levels of ozone and join a worldwide campaign to curb global warming. For the occasion MARTHA STEWART baked an “Ozone Layer” cake.
Which is better than having to hand out MIS-fortune cookies.
An early snowstorm blanked the Midwest. Blistering winds in Chicago were so powerful they blew ten thousand voter’s names off cemetery gravestones.
How cold was it? It was so cold the CHICAGO BEARS went into hibernation.
Because of the powerful snow storm, in Wisconsin a 33 degree Mason dropped 10 degrees an is now a member of the B’nai Brith.
In Detroit it was so cold a squirrel was seen wearing snuggies — to keep his nuts warm.
In Minnesota there was so much snow, hens were laying eggs from a standing position.
It was so cold in Washington D.C. TED CRUZ’S Texas red neck turned blue.
Stocks are at an all-time high, but I don’t have any money in the stock market. I don’t have the stomach for the ups and downs. Although I do have my money in U.M.M. Not “United Money Market” — Under My Mattress.
Because their business has been so bad lately, RADIO SHACK announced they will open most of its stores on Thanksgiving Day at 8 a.m. Thus allowing early celebrants to have “A Turkey for breakfast.”
The last person has been tested and has come back clean. Texas is now EBOLA free. They are now free of Ebola AND Democrats.
The Mormon church said this week that their founder JOSEPH SMITH may have had between 30 and 40 wives. You’ve got to give the man credit. Not for starting a religion, but for being able to go into the bathroom to shave every morning with 40 pair of stockings drying over the shower rod, hanging in his face.
On a personal note: To help rid myself of difficult back pain, I’ve been eating cookies laced with “grass.” It’s helped a little, but they tell me I’ve got to be careful using “weed” it causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.
